I Harrass Women on the Street

I have a co-worker Marie (not her real name) and I see her everywhere. Except it's not her. But I usually don't realize that it's not her until it's too late.

Take, for example, yesterday night. I went to TCBY because I am a pig who just really, really gets excited about frozen yogurt.

Yogurt, I am about to do filthy things to you with my mouth.

And I get my yogurt, and I start to smash it into my mouth, because holy handlebars do I love TCBY's white chocolate mousse fro-yo.

And I see my co-worker Marie (still not her real name) across the parking lot. I, naturally being this excitable about fro-yo, am also very excitable upon seeing a co-worker outside of work. So I run out of the store, and through the parking lot.

Marie, for some reason, takes off running. Perhaps it's because I sound like Sloth because my mouth is fully of fro-yo and I am running. I am screaming her name as I run.

I sound a lot like a certain someone...

I chase her all the way from the White Castle to the Best Buy (you don't know my local strip mall, but that's like 2 blocks) screaming "MARIE" before she finally screams "I'm not Marie! Why are you chasing me?!" And I was like "Because you look like Marie and you are running!"

Seriously. That is why I started chasing her, so, I realize that I have probably caused this woman to pee herself out of fear, and then run in pee-pants (that's never pleasant. I have been there. Haven't we all, really?)

So I saunter back across the parking lot, back to where Eric is standing waiting for me. His mouth is open, and he has this horrified look on his face, because he is pretty sure he just saw his wife chase down a complete stranger in a shopping center parking lot.

I look down at his fro-yo, now half-melted, "You gonna eat that?" I ask. Because all that stalking worked up quite the appetite in me.