Discoveries

It's no secret that I don't like children. And before you get offended, I like your child. Your child is awesome and wonderful. But bring that child to Chuck-E-Cheese and let him run around with the other children and they all suddenly become these demonic little hell beasts. It's like pack mentality.

Because of my strong dislike for packs of children (and yes, I am going to stop right here, mid sentence, to let you know that no, you are not remembering this wrong, I am IN FACT still a Sunday School teacher) I decided to start volunteering with adults.

Apparently I also hate adults. It makes sense, they used to be children, after all. I recently volunteered to teach the internet to the elderly. I really like teaching people the internet, because even if they have been on it before, they are always blown away and learn something new in the class.

When I teach, I try to gauge where my class is. This class had heard of Google, but also had heard it's evil, because it gives away it's products, so how can it make money? It must be evil.

(Oh, the irony.)

So I explain about how all those ads on the internet are like billboard on the highway - people pay to put them there. Ad revenue plus the stock market plus innovation means that Google isn't going anywhere and is financially a-ok.

Then I start with email addresses, and a little old man raises his hand, so I call on him. "I heard from my friends that there is free porno on the internet."

"Uh yeah" I say "in fact, if you pay for porn on the internet, you can pretty much guarantee you are being scammed."

I am going to stop right here and tell you the following facts:
1. This class is taking place inside a local church, and
2. What I just said up there? That everyone in the class stopped what they were doing and wrote that down in their assorted notebooks. It was like an army of dirty old men just got their orders from their pervert commanding officer.

Then I say "So, if you are just here to learn about how to access porn on the internet, you should probably just go, we're going to be covering email addresses and PayPal today."

And everyone in the class starts to get up and pack up their stuff, and I realize that they are all going to leave, so I say "Ok let's start with Xtube and then go from there..."

KIDDING KIDDING. But I did say that part about not covering any more porn stuff and just PayPal and email addresses, and they did all leave. There was only three of them, but still.

But then again, if I was pushing 90, I wouldn't have the patience to wait around until some asshole under a third of my age got to what I really wanted to know anyhow.