For Seven Dollars, Why Sure! My Dignity is for Sale!

Anyone who has blogged for more than 30 seconds has gotten an email about blogging for money. I am not talking about from legitimate organizations either, you get a form letter and they misspell your name all over the place:

Dear Ms. Eeglund,

We have an opportunity for you that we are excited to tell you about...

First, it takes some effort to find my real first and last name on this site. You can't search for it - the only time it's ever been listed is in picture form. i.e. you can search for my name in google, and this website never comes up. I did that purposely because for a large chunk of my blogging career I was unemployed, and hiring a blogger (who writes about her bodily functions for fun) is sometimes a no-go for  companies.

Second,  I have seen my last name misspelled some creative ways (and my first name, too. I have gotten emails addressed to "An" which always cracks me up (it's spelled Anne or Ann, people.)

I like to imagine scenarios where my mother, being drugged up after giving birth, decides to name me 'An' "Fuck it doctor, when she makes something of herself, then I give her that second 'n' and shit, maybe even an 'e' but only if she becomes a lawyer"

But seriously, this email is the most messed up my last name has ever been spelled, which gives me hope that this is actually a spammer who will never pay me for linking to their site. (Hey man, I earned that seven dollars, I sent you traffic of a whole six people!)

The email goes on:

If you link to [his site] I will pay you 7 USD via paypal. You are required to blog about how [the penis pill product he is shilling] helped your husband in the bedroom.

AHAHAHAHAHA there is no way I couldn't NOT fuck with this guy. I'm sorry, but what?  So...I reply. Because I can't help myself. Because I am a child, a child who never earned that extra 'n':

Dear [Penis Pill Dude]

Hey homeboy! I would be glad to shill your goods for SEVEN DOLLARS AMERICAN!  But, do you have anything else I can write about? Like maybe about simple rules for weight loss? Or how to make my boobs bigger? Or how to whiten my teeth? I feel like if I just stop at penis pills I won't be doing my readers justice.

Sincerely,

An Eeeeeeeeeglund

And he replies (I really wasn't expecting him to):

Dear Eglund,

We just want you to write about [penis pills] and then link to [his awful spam site that would give you VD just by clicking on it]. You cannot mention that you are being paid for this in the blog post, and we require that you have two photos on the blog post, which we must approve before the post goes live...[etc]

If we agree to the post, we will pay you $4 USD...

UH WHAT? First, he is getting closer to the actual spelling of my last name, second photos? and third, FOUR DOLLARS? Excuse me? My dignity is worth easily three more dollars.  So, I write up the post, and email it to him:

Hey yous guys, did I tell you how I love [name of penis pills] which you can totally buy from this uber-legit site [here]. I can totally attest to the strengths of them because my cat Ralph got into them and it was a veritable kitty porno up in my house. Lucky for you I took pictures!

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="560" caption="Ralph is pissy because I interrupted his kitty three-some "][/caption]

Then Ralph went out, picked up Bjork, and things got really freaky:



If you think she rocked that Swan Dress, you should see what she did to Ralph. Man, those pills really worked! So anyway, if you guys really enjoy mopping up cat hair and variously fluids leftover from a cat orgy, I would totally recommend [penis pills] from [spammy site]

Love,

ENNA Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeglund

As of yet, I haven't heard back from him. Huh. I guess he didn't like my blog post...