I'm All Fancy

Eric tends to force me to shower and shave my legs and then takes me to awesome dressy work outings.

I agree to go because they tend to serve shrimp AND steak at these events. And there is a usually a dessert table. OH YOU SHOULD SEE SOME OF THE DESSERT TABLES I HAVE GORGED MYSELF ON. I eat my fill, and then the next day, when I have to roll myself out of bed, I start to feel bad about third world hunger, like a proper Methodist.

Recently I embarked on the "Great Crap Cleanout of 2010" and found a dress I wore to one of these events.

Let me just sidetrack myself for a moment and tell you about the Great Crap Cleanout. Once a year I throw away 90% of what I own. Actually, I usually donate it to charity, but you get the idea. I think I have stated many times before that I enjoy living in an environment that looks like no one actually does live there. Eric does not share this view, and enjoys not having his things thrown away on him, like a weirdo.

So, I am cleaning out my closet, and I run across a dress that fit me like it was a size 8 and I was a size 2. It was loose, it was comfortable, and boy, I loved that dress.

Right up until I got it home, tore the tags off of it, and found out it was a maternity dress. It was like the plastic-annoying-tag-attacher-thingie-ma-bobber was blinding me to the fact that this was a maternity dress.

Eric said I could not go buy another dress, seeing as we had only half an hour until the appetizers were going to be served, and you know what that means, right?

The bar opens.

Eric gave me a choice: I could be pretty in a dress that was not designed with a strange panel/pouch and we could miss all the freeze booze, or, I could be pretty AND drunk FOR FREE in a dress that just happened to have a weird panel/pouch that no one could tell was made for pregnant women.

I chose drunk in a maternity dress, thank you very much. He was right, the bar closes when dinner is served, and I hated his boss. If I was going to deal with that man, I needed to be TRASHED to do it.

I am going to save the remainder of this story until tomorrow. Trust me, it is GOOD.