The Four Year Rule

This is a story that will terrify my mother, but it has been four years, so I can officially tell it!

Ok, so I have to explain about the four years thing, right? If we, the kids, got away with something, then four years later we could tell our parents about it without repercussions.

Anyway – at my old job, when I first started, I got a “new” desk. I say new in quotes because I am pretty sure, or I am at least speculating, my boss grabbed this desk from the side of the highway. That’s the way it looked. It looked like the kind of desk that DCFS would come and take its drawers away, or the kind of desk that begs for money for a new tape dispenser on the side of the road.

So, one day I come in all early in the morning, per my usual GOD AWFUL SCHEDULE (6 am to 3 pm), and I hear movement inside my desk. It sounds like two badgers are going at it. Being the little idiot that I am – I grab a broom and open up the desk drawer.

Out of the desk flies about 4 pigeons and they start going NUTS and bashing themselves against the windows.

Now, I should say, because everyone reading this is probably wondering at this point:

Yes, I opened all the drawers when I first got it. I even Lysoled the desk until my nose and eyes were watering.

To this day, I have no idea how those birds got in my desk. I do know how I got rid of them, however. I opened the large bay door and tried to shoo them out with a broom. When they would not shoo (because they are city pigeons, so I could have come at them with a flamethrower and they would not have budged) I got out the shop vac, and sucked one right up. Then suddenly the rest of them were willing to be shooed out of the place.

I am partly telling this story for your amusement on a Friday, but also to remind myself that my current job is pretty darned sweet. Any job where it is not required that I suck up a pigeon with a shop vac is a pretty sweet job.