1. Have you ever been in a supermarket and seen that deli pack of the ends of the deli meats all cut up in odd shapes and wrapped up and on sale for $1? Eric bought me a cheese one of those! Happy anniversary indeed! (Eric: Uh...yeah...happy anniversary! No - wait, it's not Thanksgiving!)
2. I was chatting with my cousin about the possibility of going to medical school, and then giving back by doing Doctors Without Borders. He said that I shouldn't because, and I am paraphrasing here, I would no longer be funny. All my blog posts would be about stitching up orphans stubs after land mines blew their limbs off.
I laughed for a good twenty minutes about that, at which point Eric comes over to see what I am laughing about. He tells me that I am not cut out for being a doctor because, if for no other reason, a doctor is not allowed to laugh at a limbless war orphan. I don't know why, but I found this unbelievably funny. I am pretty sure this means I am going to hell.
3. In the supermarket, I wasn't paying attention and I was just following Eric with the cart, and while I am talking, I am swearing. Eric stops and looks at me, and we both turn directly to my right to see a wall of religious votive candles. I swore in front of so, so, so many Saints today. What level of hell do you suppose I will be in? I hope it's the level with all the super flamboyant gay men...
4. To balance my bad deeds with my good ones, I joined Be The Match. You should too. No, seriously, consider it. Look over the website, and seriously consider it. And if you decide to do it, let me know, so I can feel better about laughing at imaginary limbless war orphans.
Yes, I am aware my face will never appear on the side of a Votive Candle. Thank you for pointing that out.
This is a possibility but only after you've published you second book of funny Enna stories. Then the stories can be compassionate ones but get the funny out first. It's like two kids making wishes. One kid wants a bazillion dollars and the second wants a PBJ. The first one laughs at the second ones supposed lack of imagination until the second one starts eating the sandwich. By the way, you come from a line of sadistic nurses so maybe the medical field is breathing a sigh of relief and they don't know it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure those kids have a sense of humor (once ran through bablefish)... "I could have lost both legs!"
ReplyDeleteMeh.
Maybe notsomuch.
3. Aw cmon. You should know better. You weren't swearing in front of Saints at the store. Those candles don't become holy until they are owned and blessed. Else any old daemon couldn't shop there. Since I can shop there, it must be truth. God's Own, so to speak.
ReplyDelete2. If you become a doctor, I WILL boycott you.... and you should know why.
Yeah, exactly. Swearing in front of the Jesus candles would have been worse if there was a little old Spanish nun perusing them.
ReplyDeleteBut then, she might not even understand English swear words.
No, she would. It's in the nun handbook. Along with how to make that "You're going straight to hell" look and a ruler.
ReplyDeleteOh Nia....
ReplyDeleteHrmmm but do I want to chance it?
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHA I am sure the whole medical field as well as my fellow man are thankful!
ReplyDelete