Want to see something cool?
Scroll down to #15 and just look.
I used to be #10. But #15 is pretty cool too.
I took a screen shot of when I was #10 and saved it. I plan on making a scrapbook of all my accomplishments in life to someday show my child - look how cool your mom used to be before you arrived? Yes, child of mine, you ruined my life. Wait...no. I probably shouldn't say that last piece.
Before you get all on my ass, that was a joke! I would never tell my child that.
So yeah, Eric lost his job. And that sucks. But we have hope. And that's cool. He wants to do something other than what he has been doing. And really, that's pretty darned exciting.
Oh, and for the record, I am also number 45 or so on the Amazon top 100 books about parenting and families. Puts that little joke up there in perspective now doesn't it?
Seriously though, I have no idea why I am even ON the parenting and families list. I mean, I still don't trust myself to babysit my niece and nephew. When people ask me to watch their children, I always think to myself "I should report you to DCFS for just allowing me to be alone with a child. I am a walking talking choking hazard."
I often joke with Eric that when we have a child, I am just going to drop it off at my friend Becki's house and tell her to keep it until it's officially "cool." "Cool" meaning potty trained and able to feed itself. Really, we should just adopt a teenager.
And now, for something completely different:
I got glitter in my eye the other day. Have you ever gotten glitter in your eye before? No? Let me describe it for you:
It feels like someone soaked glass in turpentine and shoved it in an open wound. An open wound that compulsively closes.
I was smart enough not to rub my eye, and to flush it out immediately. But I couldn't blink. And then I started thinking that maybe I should go to the hospital. What it glitter even made of, I wonder?
I decide to go to my eye doctor. Mostly because he is right by me, and because eyes are his specialty. Plus I was afraid that I would be laughed out of the emergency room for my very festive eye wound.
So the eye doctor sees me, and uses this special stuff to flush out my eye. For HALF AN HOUR. Then he inspects my eye again, and sees no glitter, and says I am fine. No scratches, no real damage done.
Then, he takes off his glasses, leans against the counter, and says "Enna honey, are you determined to blind yourself in your left eye? You can tell me honey."
I love my eye doctor. That man is the shit.
And no, I really do enjoy not being blind. And lesson learned: A container of glitter with a really tight cap should be opened only with protective eye gear.
THE MORE YOU KNOW!
What publisher did you go through?
ReplyDeleteThat is a very long story...I uploaded this myself for kindle onto Amazon after I got dropped from my publisher.
ReplyDelete#15 is nothing to pout at...
ReplyDeleteIn fact, that's pretty damn cool.
(insert jealous pout here)
Fingers crossed for Eric... cosmic kicks in the ass are sometimes what those silly boys need.
As someone who has been on strike, walked picket lines numerous times for others and been their strike line captain, been locked out/permanently replaced in addition to being laid off several times, tell Eric to not waste time and start looking for a job right now. It won't get better and it will not get his old job back if he waits for a change in the old bosses. Make that chance happen right now. Though having a beer at the end of the day does have it's medicinal qualities I must say.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. You, super glue, glitter, fingers, mouth and eyeballs. You need a new hobby.
For the record, most glitter is made up of small metal flakes. Some of the newer synthetic glitter is plastic. REALLY GOOD THING you knew not to rub your eye. Honestly, I think you are experiencing another childhood; you weren't difficult to raise and were VERY sensible and level-headed as a child. We used to say you were four going on forty-two. XOXO
ReplyDeleteYes, but I was also clumsy. That clumsiness has not gone away, sadly.
ReplyDeleteYeah we're not hoping that his company brings him back on. We're more hopeful that he will get a much better job.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's always been a depth perception thing--the left eye, no? Personally, I would prefer if you were cherishing and protecting all your little body parts (like the liver! That would be a good one to keep going!) but you're a grown-up now and I'm not supposed to butt in.
ReplyDeleteI think it has always been a problem with my left eye. And my liver is fiiiiiine mother *insert teenage eye roll here*
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until my future children are old enough to be embarrassed. I will be all over that if I ever have kids.
ReplyDeleteRIGHT?! IT WILL BE OH SO MUCH FUN!
ReplyDeleteI got glitter in my eye once too. It's not like I'm around glitter ever, or ever put it near my eye. It was just one of those dangerous, fluttering-in-the-wind STRAY pieces of glitter--you know, the kind mothers warn you about.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know it was glitter, and so I just lived with it for about a week. I wear contacts, which seals the glitter on the eyeball, making it not painful. But once the contacts came out, I had that 'compulsively closing wound/glass' thing going on. Finally I went to the doctor.
They charged me $300 to take this blue speck out of my eye. I called and complained no one should charge that much for a speck. They felt bad and knocked $50 off.
My doctor did it for free. I think he knows I really don't care if I am blind. Or, at least, he suspects that I secretly or subconsciously WANT to be blind. He also knows I am cheap. I think he did it for free because he was terrified how I would get the glitter out otherwise.
ReplyDelete