I have been having weird phone-related events happening all week. Like, if I answered the phone tonight and someone in a scratchy voice said "Seven days" I would not at all be shocked. Here's what's been going on phone-wise with me this week:
I got on the elevator in my building this morning, and there was a ringing noise. This confused the hell out of me because I recently canceled my cell phone plan. I looked around the 6x6 elevator for someone's lost phone, thinking that has got to be where the ringing is coming from. But no - it was the emergency phone in the elevator. So...I answer it. I mean, it was ringing and all.
Guy Calling the Emergency Phone in the Elevator in my building: Hey! Let me speak to your manager!
Me: Sir? This is the emergency phone in an elevator, there's no manager her, seeing as it's an elevator and all.
Guy: What? This isn't [Business Name I Don't Remember]?
Me: No. It's an elevator, you're calling an emergency phone in an elevator.
Guy: What?
Me: I think it's an emergency phone - it is red after all.
Guy: [Hangs up the phone]
OK SERIOUSLY? That's phone has a PHONE NUMBER ATTACHED TO IT? I thought you picked it up and it called the cops! I mean, I know the button with the fireman's helmet on it calls the firehouse, but who knew that phone is usable?
Phone randomness story #2:
A lady leaves me a message at work. She has a midwestern American accent on the message. So, I call her back at her work number and I get her voicemail.
[Australian Accent] Hey y'all! I am off snogging a kangaroo! SNOG SNOG ">SNOG SNOG SNOG SNOGGITY SNOG! Leave a message after the beep, and I will dig my phone out of the kangaroo's pouch and call you right back!
Lady, that's you voicemail at work? YOU ARE MY HERO. Any person who has a voicemail that mentions inter-species romantic affairs is my hero.
My work voicemail should be something like this:
[British Accent - because SHE got to use a fake accent, why can't I?] Hi, this is Enna, I am not actually away from the phone, I am on the other line with Eric and chatting online with my friend Nia. I could care less about what you want from me, and the whole time you are talking to me I will be thinking about my lunch.
And now, for my third phone randomness story:
Ring Ring
Me: Hello?
Someone's sweet old grandmother: Michael?
Me: I am sorry, I think you have the wrong number.
Grandma: Is Michael there?
Me: No Ma'am, no one here is named Michael.
Grandma: Ok, just tell Michael his grandmother called.
Me: Yes Ma'am, I surely will.
I sincerely hope that Michael's grandmother sends him some Christmas cookies, because she sounded like the Matronly-Cookie-Making-$5-in-Your-Birthday-Card kind of grandmother. And I have a hankerin' for some cookies. And $5.
You've inspired me to use the precious minutes and change my voicemail message. Now, if only someone would call.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I WANT to change mine...something tells me though no one will find it funny though...
ReplyDelete-I-'d find it funny,... but you know... I would just be IMing you and not calling so it would be wasted on me.
ReplyDeleteVery true. You should call me more. I might even switch over from listening to Eric breathe to talk to you!~
ReplyDeleteLook, the last time a grandmother called to you, you switched over to the Methodist Church. What does this all mean?
ReplyDeleteI don't think the message is for me...I think the message is for some guy named Michael.
ReplyDeleteHowever, saw grandma in a dream again, she's good. She also told me to go up into her attic to get some materials...seeing how I am very good at "sculpting."
And there you have it.
My friend keeps getting calls for her phone's previous owner. So far several angry women and a private investigator have demanded to talk to Vinnie Pescarelli and refuse to believe that he has a new phone.
ReplyDeleteWe get Christian Halverd at home. I feel bad for whomever has our old numbers...
ReplyDelete