Truth time - I shop at Walmart. Yes, yes, throw those scornful glances in my direction. But guess what - I was unemployed and now Eric is - Walmart is cheaper, and sometimes we need cheaper. Having morals is expensive.
Anyhow, I buy Ultrawhite and Colgate Total Care toothpaste - usually together. I switch between them - one for the protection, and one for the whitening power of awesome (seriously, Ultrawhite is the most appropriately named toothpaste EVER.)
I am only telling you this because it's what us in the literary world call a story introduction. (Don't act like you didn't learn something today! My blog is suddenly educational!)
Now, I am a freak about toothpaste. I do not like anything - NOTHING - gritty being rubbed against my teeth. It makes me gag.
I also do not like anything other than mint flavoring in my toothpaste. And not just lightly mint flavored, it has to be that taste bud damaging, burning mint flavor.
So, I am standing in the toothpaste aisle of Walmart, trying to find my toothpastes, and a woman comes up to me.
"See, I like this one" she says, and hands me a box of some brand. Probably Crest (nothing against you Crest people, it's just not for me.)
Ok, I am just looking for MY toothpaste. I am not just standing there, waiting for someone to hand me toothpaste. Wait...does Walmart have this service? Did I miss something?
So, I put the toothpaste back on the shelf, and then grab my toothpastes. The woman looks at me like I am crazy and says "Honey, just use this one, you won't need two toothpastes, you'll just need one."
"No thanks, different strokes for different folks, ya know?" Is what I reply. I mean, again, not look for suggestions, just looking for my toothpastes.
She walks away and says "Idiot"
I am sorry...but WHAT? I am not above throwing down in the middle of a Walmart. I will squirt this Ultrawhite right into your eyes!
Is it weird that when someone insults me, I instantly think of ways I can use what I am holding as a weapon? Yeah, I figured it was.
So, I guess the moral of the story is - never insult my handgun. HA!
I agree, having morals is for people with money to burn. What a bitch! Why would she just approach you in the middle of Wal-mart for anyway? Sounds to me like she's the idiot.
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY. It was just weird!
ReplyDelete!!!
ReplyDeleteYES!
What is it with people... I mean, it didn't sound like this was your first time in a toothpaste aisle, whining "But I don't WAAAANNNNTTTT two toothpastes!" and your fairy toothpaste godmother comes up and WOOSSH, your problem is solved.
You shoulda kicked her in the knees though.
Or thrown something at her head.
You never know what someone is capable of. I don't necessarily ring the alarmist bell but she could have tampered with the product. There are some of societies sickest that are roaming around loose. Look at your old bosses for confirmation!
ReplyDelete*is too confused to formulate an actually indignant response*
ReplyDelete:O Wal-mart is like lidl only in america :D And everyone knows lidl is secretly cool.. Obviously :) Lol, i have like 3/4 different toothpastes, i alternate each day :D I wouldn't want a creepy lady telling me what toothpaste to buy XD I would have told her to shove her tube, y'know personally :L
ReplyDeleteI wish I had thought of something clever at the time...
ReplyDeleteI was like "I cannot be the only person who uses multiple different toothpastes!" thank you for making me think I am not crazy.
ReplyDeleteIt just caught me off guard. Like - hi - I wasn't looking for suggestions - but thanks, you crazy Walmart lady!
ReplyDeleteYeah. I didn't even think of that.
ReplyDelete