Dear Diary - Today I Had a Pity Party

I know this is a humor blog and all, but let me just tell you what is going on in my life. So go grab a refill on coffee (I am looking in your direction Nia) and come on back to my little pity party.

Enna passes out Pity Party hats. It's not a party without hats!

So, you know how I lost my job awhile back? Well, it looks like the same thing is happening to Eric. I probably shouldn't write about this. I mean, this is really personal for him, but let's just call this my therapy and let me get this out before I fucking explode.

Ok, we are just now getting somewhat back on our feet. Every time I stand up, another aftershock of the earthquake that is my life knocks me back down. Normally I just tell people not to live on fault lines. But what do I do here?

Do I keep getting up? I mean, every time I get up, I get angrier about the previous aftershocks.

On the plus side, poverty equals some FANTASTIC weight loss people! I would suggest you try it, but I am not that cruel.

And, for the record, I do not want to hear how it's going to get better, and to keep my chin up. That only takes me so far. (About as far as the liquor cabinet, in the event you were wondering just how far.)

Eric can literally get a job tomorrow, the man is talented and has excellent experience in a very specific field. But let's just stop for a second - if you didn't have to work for, say, three months, what would you do? What is your DREAM job? And let's say you are seconds away from a degree - what would you want that degree to be in? (Do not say teaching. No. Just don't.)

I guess, to summarize what is going on, Eric is at a crossroads. He doesn't want to work at a job he hates for the rest of his life, but staring into the face of poverty is beyond terrifying.  And he is good at this particular job. I just need him to see that fact. These people have beat him down to the point that he cannot see his worth anymore.

(Now watch me get sued!...) The last six months at my last company were abject hell. I would go home and name my Sims John and Bill and then lock them in a room with a fireplace and burn them...burn it all to the ground. Every day I got off the train and was saddened by the fact that the building was still standing. The boss would treat me like gum under his shoe. (There was a boss shift change. I still think the original owner/operator was a great boss.) I got saddled with a lot of things that were out of my control, and when they went bad, I was blamed and treated like crap. This job taught me that I am not above hating people. Actual REAL hate - something I never thought I was capable of.

Then I got my current job. My current job? The exact opposite of my last job. I am becoming friends with my co-workers. People are happy with my work. I have never made a mistake at work.

Let that sink in for a moment.

In three months, no mistakes. It made me realize just how miserable I was at my last job. I thought I knew how miserable I was.

You cannot have the sweet without the sour.

Eric is in the heart of the sour, and as weird as it sounds, I would rather be going through the sour. He is better at comforting me than I am at comforting him. He has pulled me through hell more times than I have him. I have one notch on my belt, and he has easily 60 on his.

I told him I would give up the house, the jewelry, all the stuff, and we would just do whatever it is that makes us happy. He said giving me all the jewelry and stuff is what makes him happy.

And this is where we differ. I can walk away from every thing except for him. People, clothes, jewelry, everything. Burn it all.

He thinks I am insane. And has told me that he doesn't want me to give all this stuff up.

But you have to admit, the idea of giving it all up, burning all bridges, and just wandering, it sounds appealing. Sometimes it's just too much stuff.

I would like to point out, by the way, I have been without Xanax since January 11th. I overcame the withdrawal and the addiction that no one tells you about when they prescribe it to you in the first place. I almost refilled it in February, and then almost again, in March. But I decided against it. I wanted to feel something, because by feeling it, I would never forget it. And I remember every detail now because I felt it - and still feel it. And those feelings? It makes the sweet just that much sweeter.

Well, this post well all over, now didn't it? I almost feel obligated to put in something humorous here.

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Well, thanks Cheezeburger! That just about does it!