Digging Right In

I try, against all odds, to be lady-like at work. It's an uphill battle, let me tell you. I don't wear high heels, because I know that I look like a rhino trying to delicately tip toe through the marsh when I wear them. Let's just go ahead and let that image sink in for a moment.

Anyway, I made popcorn at work today. Why? No reason other than I was hungry and it was the healthiest thing available in the vending machine. I don't know about you, but I always secretly thought that the person who made popcorn and smelled up the whole office secretly hated her co-workers.  I mean, I think that way about everyone but me- I was just trying to avoid eating 5 Twix bars in a row to stay awake.

So, I pop myself some popcorn, and then lean back in my chair and start to toss pieces up into my mouth. I miss my mouth a lot. Then I suddenly remember that there's a meeting I am supposed to be in, and I hustle off to the meeting.

In the middle of the meeting, I realize there is about a handful of popcorn in my cleavage down my shirt. So, we take a break from the meeting, and everyone gets up to stretch and go check their email, and I am left alone in the room.

You know where this is going.

I reach down my shirt, grab some popcorn, and start eating. What I did not realize, however, was that the guy who was late to the meeting came in through the backdoor of the meeting room, the door that was inconveniently behind me, and saw me take roughly a handful of popcorn out of my boobs and eat it.

I look up at him, mouth full of popcorn, and say " Ehhhy Pfofkern?" which was my way of saying, with my mouth full, "Want any popcorn?" I know you're thinking this somehow sounds like I might be vaguely hitting on him, but let me assure you I am not nearly attractive enough to pull that line off sexily. I really just did not know what else to say. Late to the Meeting Guy laughs so hard he starts coughing and leaves back out the door.

The rest of the meeting I had to deal with people asking "Does anyone smell popcorn?" And Late to the Meeting Guy trying hard not to laugh his ass off in the meeting all while I try not to piss myself out of fear that he will tell on me and my secret boob stash.

All-in-all I have to say I think I am making a great impression at this new company.