Recently, I went to a Bridal Shower (not my own, in the event you are wondering) and it was pretty darned awesome.
I enjoyed myself for the most part - except I had to go to the bathroom the whole time. I just kept trying, but people kept coming into the bathroom. Yes, I am one of those freaks that has a shy bladder.
Unless, of course, I am drunk, it's the middle of the night, and I happen to be near a 7/11 or Burger King dumpster. Then apparently I am all Free Willy with my urine.
I once balanced myself by putting my hand on the bumper of my friend's car, dropped my pants, and peed away. Then I stand up and realize there is a cop in a squad car laughing his ass off at me. Really, I should have gone to jail for public intoxication and indecency, but instead, I am sure there is dashboard video of my ass somewhere on Youtube or God forbid Xtube. Not that I so much mind if it is on Youtube, because my name is not associated with it, but if it's on Xtube I would at least like a royalty check for that. I mean, if I am starring in homegrown porno, I should at the very minimum be making money off of it.
The gist is, I am the type of lady who needs her own bathroom, and I am also the type of lady who was ready to bash some heads in of women who just came into the bathroom to chat and do their makeup while I tried to get some privacy and do my thang. Bitches.
I've always felt sorry for my patients that we had to stand there with so they didn't fall off the toilet. Post-epidural, you know. They sometimes are still a bit unsteady after delivery. I'm not in the least bit shy, and can pee with an audience, but for the other poor souls...I suggest you ask for some Lasix before the epidural wears off.
ReplyDeleteI've finally gotten where I can pee in a public bathroom with someone else in the vicinity. But nothing else.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you, but I've never entered a public bathroom nice enough for me to want to drag my friends in there to chat.
*writes down Lasix* WILL DO. I want some for every day life.
ReplyDeleteI KNOW. I have never had the urge to stand around talking to my friends while standing in pee soaked toilet paper. I might CALL them from the bathroom if I think something is unsafe or a little wonky, which weirds them out to no end. Apparently my shy bladder doesn't extend over the phone.
ReplyDeleteI can function in a public bathroom as long as it isn't just me and one other person. That's the worst kind of awkward.
ReplyDeleteOH IT IS I TOTALLY AGREE!
ReplyDelete