Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

I do not take medication for the most part. I mean, if I had an infection, I would take antibiotics for it, but I am not the type of person who runs to the doctor and demands the best pills possible when I have the sniffles. That being said, I have half a dozen benadryls in me right now.  This post might be all over the place, because allergy pills tend to have a weird acid-trip-like effect on me.

Why am I on so many pills? Well, sit back with a glass of tea, or in my case Kool-Aid, and I will tell you a tale of much stupidity.

My friend Heff lost his cat, and seeing as I had nothing better going on, I agreed to help him try and find it. I am pretty adept at helping people find things, and cats seem to gravitate towards me (I think they can sense the fact that I am highly allergic to them, and cats are full of evil and want to exploit that allergy.  I think they are somehow exacting their revenge on me. These are all just theories of my drug-addled brain. Ignore me.)

Anyway, I am waiting for the slowest train ever in my car, and it is pouring rain outside. I happen to see a cat that looks an awful lot like my friend Heff's cat walking in the road. I put the car in park, and run out in the rain and grab this soaking wet cat, thinking that this is the cat that is missing. (For the record, I had not starting taking pills yet, I have NO IDEA what I was thinking. Was I thinking? Who the heck knows.)

So I take the cat in the car, and people in the cars around me are giving me that "Awwww what a good person" look. They think I just ran out and picked up a stray out of the rain. In the car is when I realize that THIS IS NOT HEFF'S CAT. I am stuck waiting for a train with what I have instantly named DEMON CAT FROM HELL. Demon cat DID NOT want to be rescued from the rain, and demon cat did not like me. I would go so far as to say I am Demon Cat's mortal enemy. Because that, my dear readers, is how Demon Cat acted towards me. And one of my readers will be happy to know that this cat has not be declawed, which made for a rather blood-splattered ride. Not Demon Cat's blood - MY BLOOD.

The train moves, and I drive over to Heff's house, and I find HIS cat too (what can I say, I have a knack for finding things thast want to claw my eyes out.) And then I decide to drive home, and on the way, stop off at an animal shelter that does not euthanize and THROW THE CAT at them. They ask me if I want to make a donation, and it took my all not to spit at them. I then drive home, where Eric meets me at the door. "What the heck happened to you?" He asks. I respond "I got in a fight with Heff's cat, and I found a cat, and my arms and hands are swelling up and I need to take some pills because I think Demon Cat I Found managed to scratch behind my eye balls and I need pills now before they swell shut."

Eric then has to play the "bad guy" and does what he usually does when it looks like I went nine rounds with a badger - he makes me be an adult and sprays bactine on my wounds after washing them out. This is so unpleasant I literally whine and complain the whole time, right up until the time he is applying Hello Kitty bandaids to my wounds. I will not lie, I hold a doll when he is spraying bactine. YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU FOUGHT THE DEMON CAT FROM HELL.

He knew that the pills were taking effect when I started quoting song lyrics when replying to him:

Eric: "This will sting a little."

Enna: "Don't think twice babe, it's alright. Yeah, I just quoted the free-wheelin' Bob Dylan, whatcha gonna do about it?"

Eric: "Ohhhh those benadryl are taking effect, now aren't they?"

And they were. And they are. And now I am going to bed, and I will probably dream about Edie Sedgwick. Unless I happen to find her in the rain in my dream, because in that case I AM GOING TO KEEP DRIVING AND PRETEND I DO NOT SEE HER.