Warning: Swearing Next 3 Miles

(I am stressed out right now, so this may not be that funny. Sorry.)

Yesterday, Eric and I were on our way to Medieval Times - Dinner and Tournament to meet up with some friends.  One of our friends was kind enough to gift us with tickets to it, and I have never been there, so I was a bit excited. We started out on our journey in the middle of rush hour. We left a little bit early to accommodate all the traffic we would run into. What we were not expecting, however, is what we actually would run into.

A SUV's Car Door.

No, we didn't hit anyone. It was just lying in the middle of the highway, like, hey there, I dropped off of someone's car, I'll just sit here and wait until they get back to reclaim me. There were cars on either side of us, and we had no choice but to hit it.

Immediately we knew there was something wrong with our car. So, we pull over. I kept repeating to myself "It's just a flat tire, it's just a flat tire, it's just a flat tire." Because tires are relatively cheap, and I'm a girl who apparently likes to live in a fantasy world.

But no. Instead, I get out of the car to inspect it, and there's no blown tires. Instead, I notice that there is no longer an oil pan under the car, and we are leaking oil rapidly.

"SHUT THE %$#@%$ CAR OFF ERIC! NOW! WE'RE LEAKING OIL! NOWWWWWW!" Is pretty much what I screamed at him. Only, you know, with a little more words in there that start with the letters M & F.

For those of you who do not know - if you even start gushing oil out of your car - TURN IT OFF IMMEDIATELY. If you learn nothing else but this little fact from this blog, I will die a happy woman. Cars cannot run without oil. Not for 5 seconds. The engine will seize (read: fuse together into one giant chunk of useless expensive paperweight.) and your car will be considered totaled. And you will be considered SCREWED.

Also, ladies, knee down and take a look under your car, and while you're at it, open the hood and look at the engine block. Try to remember what everything looks like when it's working. Seriously, it's worth the five minutes, so later, when something does happen, you don't have to sound like an idiot saying to the mechanic "Was that dangly thing always there?" You don't need to know the name of the dangly thing, you just need to know what it looked like before you hit a Mercedes Benz's Driver's Side door.

Yeah, it was from a Mercedes. The door we hit was probably worth more than OUR CAR.

We get back into the car, call Triple A (best gift I have ever bought myself!), call the insurance company, and call my friend Leah so she can google mechanics.

We end up taking it to the dealership (I am wincing too at how much THAT is going to cost) and got a ride home with the tow truck driver.

Now, here is what I have learned from this experience:

When something like this happens, my reaction is usually

If there was nothing I can do about it, and what is done is done


Then I cannot be upset about it

Therefore I must move onto working how to fix what I cannot control by working on what I can control.

Notice the complete lack of emotion in my decision making process. I am the ONLY person I know who thinks and acts this way. We got into an accident - there was no way of avoiding it - I will work on fixing the car and getting a rental car.

Eric's process is more like Ed Norton in Fight Club - "I should have done better, now I am going to spend the next three days beating myself up about this." The man would physically punch himself if I were not around, I swear. And really, this boils down to being my problem. And no, I am not being a total girl by saying "he's upset, I must have done something wrong!" it's more along the lines of "I cannot understand why he is upset, therefore, I will dismiss his feelings about it."  By having this reaction, I tend to make him more upset.

He's still really angry about it. Not the me part, the accident part. And I probably should be too. But I am not.

What I AM upset about, however, is the Enterprise Rent-a-Car people. They were about to close, and we were still stuck on the side of the highway. So I call them up to try and see if they will rent us a car, and run my credit card over the phone.

Them: "Enterprise, how can I help you?"

Me: "I need a car, like now, can I order one over the phone?"

Them: "Ma'am, we close in 10 minutes. You can rent one tomorrow."

Me: "I need one tonight. Can I give you my credit card info over the phone and rent one right now?"

Them: "Uh, no. You can come in tomorrow though."

Me: "No, I can't. I need one tonight. My fiance needs to get to work at 6 a.m. tomorrow."

Them: "We open at 7:30."

Me: "Do you not understand math or something?"

*click*

So I guess what I am saying is I am now an Avis Girl. And a special thanks to Enterprise, for, you know, going that extra mile to ensure customer satisfaction.

Oh, and a really special thanks to the world, for you know, the hospital bills, the car bills, my lack of job, no job prospects, a shitty mortgage, Eric's job that is getting more and more stressful, Sheryl dying, and all around taking the time to shit on us all at once. Really, that was steller.