Things I Learned From Logan

I got permission to post pictures of my friend's kid (Let's just call my friend Archimedes, thanks Random Name Generator!)

And this is Logan:

Do you like his mustache? I have a thing for ole timey mustaches, in case you have not noticed.

ANYWAY, here's some things I have learned from Logan:

1. Babies are awesome! They're not the pooping piles of a wasted life I always thought they were.

2. Babies nails grow really, really fast, and are quite sharp. When they disapprove of you, they cut you. Babies are really like mini-pimps in this way "Get me my bottle bitch!" *Slice*

3. Babies do not like socks. Or, at least Logan doesn't. Perhaps it has something to do with the weaponry of nails he is also growing on his feet? I like to think he thinks the following, "Oh, that lady that always says she could just eat me up is coming over to pick me up again. Better take off the ole socks and give her a slice or two with my toe weapons."

4. Babies have a self-destruct button I am deathly afraid of pushing accidentally, aka their soft spot.

5. This one is more about cats than anything else - cats LOVE babies, but strangely, do not like me shooting them with a Nerf gun to get them to get away from the baby. How odd.

6. Baby poop is not endearing. Not in the slightest. And it smells of the Great Potato Famine. I know what you're thinking, how do you know what the Great Potato Famine smells like? I don't. I am only guessing.

7. Logan's very small hats make me laugh uncontrollably. That Pooh hat up there? I nearly wet myself. I have no idea why I have that kind of reaction.

8. Babies - pretty darn cute with handlebar mustaches.

9. Baby Belly Buttons? PRETTY DARN AWESOME.

10. Pacifiers - God's greatest invention. My mother didn't use any with us. This may mean that my mother was deaf in the 80s. I am not sure how she did without them.

11. This one is more about Logan's mother -  Life shouldn't be so secret. See Logan up there? That's my friend's who just recently died kid (as well as Archimedes's). It kind of occurred to me that if I dropped dead right where I stand (somewhere in the world my mother is making the sign of the cross and doesn't know why...) my parents would have NO recent pictures of me to put up on those memory boards at the wake. For like the last 8 years. Granted, I am friends with my father on Facebook and on Flickr, and all my photos are up there, but seriously. It kind of made me realize that life is sacred, and even though I run a blog, I really only show like 5% of my life to everyone, and that includes my family.

And that's a little weird.

I have always been secretive. It's just in my nature. The truth is I can't go public with my real name on this blog because I am afraid of people finding me. So, I started a fake blog under my REAL name, just to track the google hits and the location of those hits. Once I was satisfied that no one dangerous was searching for me (unlike this blog, which gets a STAGGERING amount of hits from correctional institutions...as well as the House of Representatives) I decided that perhaps I should go public...

But then I remembered Dooce, and her immortal words of "Be Ye Not Stupid" and decided to take this thing in baby steps. (Baby steps! Get it! It's a blog post about a baby!)

So, without futher ado, here's my first baby step:



Not only do I have a thing for mustaches, I also have a thing for Merry Go Rounds outside of supermarkets in South Carolina.

(This post started out all funny and then ended up all serious. Sorry about that...)