Status Update

So this post might be all over the place because I am pretty tired. I took Eric to the hospital on Sunday, and he got released on Monday morning. I am not going to go into why I took him, mostly because it is no ones business but his own - but worry not my peeps, it turned out to be nothing too serious.

I have gotten a request to write about the Octomom (hi Thomas!) and let me tell you why I am not blogging about that right now: I am in no way sympathetic to children and mothers today. See, I have a big bad cold because someone let their kid run around the hospital waiting room sneezing and coughing without covering their mouths (mouth? What tense am I even writing in here?)  And I was busy trying to cover Eric's face while he was stretched out waiting to get called so he didn't get even sicker. So today, I wake up all groggy and half awake from sleeping in a chair with my face an sinuses all clogged and thinking to myself fuck that little kid! That kid is the best birth control I have ever seen! That will last me a decade - fuck you little Birth Control Benjamin!

So, yeah, if I wrote about the Octomom it would just be a diatribe about how someone needs to put her ass in some stirrups and shove them back in, and no one wants to read that shit, plus it would garner me some angry replies. Not today sir, not today.

In other news, here's a review of sorts - Good Samaritan hospital in Downers Grove is the greatest hospital I have ever been to.  I wish I had the foresight to write down the nurse's name, because she was witty and sarcastic and all around awesome. Plus she gave us a kiddie room - there were fish on our walls! FISH! And a flat screen TV that when I turned it on it pointed directly at the chapel in the hospital. But they had CABLE!

Seriously though, the channel that only showed the chapel gave me a whole bunch of ideas that I can only say came directly from the devil. Or sleep deprivation. Watch the police blotter in the next couple of weeks because seriously some of these ideas need to be acted upon.

But the nurse was fricken awesome. And so was the doctor. The doctor was straight out of the 1950s  - he was this soft spoken white haired gentleman who has an excellent bedside manner. He was straight out of a Norman Rockwell! If he had busted out with a British accent I would not have been surprised in the slightest - that is how nice and polite he was.

Everyone also stressed to us something we had not thought about - and perhaps you haven't either - we need a primary care physician.  See, we HAD one - Dr. Thomas Joseph in Evergreen Park, IL. When we both lived on the south side - this is where we went for EVERYTHING. The guy is amazing. He speaks like 14 languages, does the whole Doctors Without Borders thing (or something similar) and charges everything as a checkup. See, I didn't have insurance with my last job for like 3 years. I wasn't a temp or anything, the company just didn't have health insurance. I used to get sick and go there and tell him I had no insurance. I could have had a railroad spike through my head and I could walk in and tell him to fix me but I didn't have insurance and he would be like *pop* "you're all fixed, that will be $50." Ironically, when I got insurance, the co-pay WAS $50. Thanks insurance...I think?

So yeah, we need a primary care physician in the western burbs, because it was even in caps on Eric's bracelet "NO PRIMARY CARE PHYS." It should have just said "FAILURES AS ADULTS" or "THANK GOD THEY DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN."  The awesome-nameless nurse also told us some important information for when we do have children: a fever is not cause to go to the ER, a three day fever is not cause to go to the ER, seizures because of a fever ARE cause to go to the ER. The first two? YOU GO TO YOUR PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN FOR THOSE. We were both like "ooooooooooh" in unison.

So I guess the conclusion is my head is all over the place here and we need a doctor. Oh, and I still need a job and some insurance so I can, you know, go to a normal doctor. Oh and Birth Control Benjamin needs a slap in the mouth, Sean Connery style.  Oh and finally Good Samaritan Hospital needs to beef up security around their chapel because it's only a matter of time before I make a contraption that snaps the Bible shut and a recording goes off in a demonic voice that says "JESUS SAYS TO LEASH YOUR CHILD! HE'S A BRAT!"

So...yeah.