I recently borrowed from the Library a Bible - it's the Message (for those of you wondering, it's the Bible in plain English, with slang and everything) and the book is HEAVY.
So, I went out with some friends on Saturday night, and after many "diet" margaritas, we all decided to have a snack. Because half the people I know are on Atkins (I know, it's like 2002 NEVER ENDED.) we decided to eat some mixed nuts my friend picked up. She mistakenly thought they were already cracked, but they were not. They were the in-shell kind.
While I am in the bathroom, I keep hearing loud slamming noises. I come out to see one of my friends using a book to smash nuts. My friend exclaims that the book she is using is the best nut smashing book she has ever seen.
"What book are you using?" I ask
"Some book called 'The Message'" She says
"Dude, you are smashing nuts with my Bible. Not cool." I reply.
She stops, thinks about it for a second, and replies "Well, I went through 12 years of Catholic school where nuns busted my nuts every day, I guess turnabout is fair play."
Indeed, my friend, indeed.
At the risk of sounding like the librarian, you know you could damage the book and then have to pay for it! And that it's a sacrilege to both the Bible and books in general! A nutcracker at Wal-mart is much cheaper. Or even try E-bay! Yes, I'm one of those nerds who doesn't dog-ear.
ReplyDeleteI tottttttttally get where you're coming from Nina!
ReplyDeleteNo! I was like IT'S FROM THE LIBRARY AND IT'S A BIBLE! STOP IT!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious. And true - in multiple facets.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to think of some sort of witty comment including Jesus and mustard seeds, or some sort of "fishers of men" play on words... but I got nothing. Do nuts come up in the bible, at all? That would make for a great joke on this.
ReplyDeleteSO, for the non-witty side of my brain- FUNNY! HAHAHA!
Jewels - indeed!
ReplyDeleteLori - I like the non-witty side, it doesn't make me think!
Nah. Loaves and fishes, manna from heaven, olive branches, olive oil, and lamb's blood. That's pretty much it. No nuts.
ReplyDeleteI see I am not the only one who has been thinking about this all day! I have been racking my brain, and I cannot find a reference too it either...hmmm...
ReplyDeleteOH SNAP! I FOUND IT!
ReplyDelete# Genesis 43:11
Then their father Israel said to them, "If it must be, then do this: Put some of the best products of the land in your bags and take them down to the man as a gift—a little balm and a little honey, some spices and myrrh, some pistachio nuts and almonds.
oh enna. so many things wrong here.
ReplyDeletebut more importantly, what is of these diet margaritas? and how do i make one?
Proof that the Bible is good for something.
ReplyDeleteBluntDelivery - http://www.hungry-girl.com/week/weeklydetails.php?isid=1034
ReplyDeleteWhittyDiatribes - I am counting you as SAVED sir! (Hey, I'll take what I can get!)