More Information Than I Needed to Know

All dominatrices are pretty ugly chicks.

Now, you're probably thinking to yourself "What a blanket statement" or possibly "how on earth do you know that?" or even "no I'm not."

Let me tell you how I came upon this conclusion (this extremely accurate conclusion, by the way.)

Eric and I go to a convention every year called Anime Central, or Acen, for short.  Now, you know I am kind of obsessed with my privacy, what with the quasi-fake name I use on here and me not posting my picture and all. I am telling you that we go to this every year because, in short, there is NO WAY you will find us in a crowd of 500,000+ people dressed up in costumes. Except I wear the same costume every single year, and that costume is "freaked out American girl who looks out of place." You can usually find me hanging out with the moms who are as equally freaked out that this is what their children are into. Only for me, this is what all my friends are into.

 Acen is one crazy party, let me tell you. And we usually go because all our friends are going, as well as the fact that Eric and I own a staggering amount of Anime. We are Anime dorks. There, I said it.

Anyway, one year, we go. On the way there, I start to feel a little sick.  By the time we get there, I am full blown sick. So, we check into our hotel (it's connected to the convention center) and I proceed to try to sleep off the stomach flu.

Now, I know what you are thinking: "Why not just go home?" And "you never just stay home when you are sick, do you?"

To answer the first question - because we paid a lot of money to get into this place and we had already paid for the hotel room, and as for the second, Mom, from now I am going to stay home when I am sick, as well as go to the doctor every time. That little lesson is just one of the lessons I learned from attending my friend Sheryl's wake.

ANYWAY. We check in, I pass out, Eric goes to the adjacent hotel room to find our friends, hang out, and figure out who our roommate will be for the night (the hotel is so packed every year that our friends usually just pack as many friends into as many hotel rooms as possible. Like we're 15 or something.) Eric explains to the friends that I am sick, and asleep, so if he could pay a little extra to not have, say 30 people sleeping in the room with me, he would appreciate it.

One of our friends say "no problem, you guys can have Crazy Dave, since [various names redacted] don't seem to like him, that would work out perfectly."

 Now, let me lay some truth on you: People do not get the name "Crazy Dave" by one instance on one night where they did something crazy. No, you have to be pretty consistently crazy to earn that nickname.

I am feeling better halfway through the first day of the convention, mostly from Eric bringing me overpriced hotel ginger ale and a grilled cheese sandwich. So, I get up and wonder around the convention. I meet up with Eric, and he buys me ice cream. Me, Eric, and Sheryl all sit around in the back of the convention and eat ice cream and laugh at half dressed people with various spikes in their hair.

Night falls, and I decide to go back to bed. So, I head off to my hotel room and go to bed. Eric comes in later and passes out as well.

Then, in the middle of the night, Crazy Dave comes in. Crazy Dave is not alone - he has a dominatrix with him. Now, she could have been a normal girl whose costume was that of a dominatrix from some Anime, but I didn't get to ask questions.

The next part of this story is directly from Eric, because I slept through most of it.

So Crazy Dave and Dominatrix girl are fooling around. This does not wake up Eric. He is aware (kind of) that someone is moving around in the room, but he ignores it.

What does wake him up is the sound of someone clearing their throat and spitting. For TWO HOURS. This noise kind of wakes me up as well, but I am unsure if I am still dreaming (seeing as I did not recognize my surroundings, and therefore assumed it was a dream.)

The next thing I am aware of happening is Eric forcibly removing me from the bed, and literally pushing me out into the hall of the hotel, and yelling at me to go next door and wait for him.

Apparently something was said that made him DEEPLY uncomfortable, and he pushed me out into the hall to apparently get me out of danger.

This next part? This is alleged. I am going to go ahead and say it's a full blown LIE, because, quite frankly, the statute of limitations has not expired yet.

Apparently, it disturbed him so much, there was some ass kicking involved.

Dominatrix girl runs out of the room, and I get a good look at her. Hence, I came up with my thesis I stated up there at the beginning of this post.  And yes, I do feel bad about judging her by her appearance, after all, she is just a normal girl under all that spit and latex and chain-mail.

But then again, I've never run out of a hotel room at 3 a.m. dressed like that, and neither have any of my friends.

I thought maybe we were a little harsh about what happened, perhaps we are just uptight? Maybe we're just way too normal? That was until we told some friends about what happened, and they all damn near peed themselves laughing, or were very deeply concerned. Either way, the rest of the convention we had a different roommate.

So, the moral of the story is this: do not room with someone with the moniker "Crazy" before their name, and keep an Eric around for ass-kicking and ginger ale as needed. And PS Acen is soooo much fun. And yes, we are going again this year.