Julie Makes Fun of Print Ads

For a while now, I've found the pro-high fructose corn syrup ads endearing. A nosy mother at a kid's birthday gets her comeuppance from another mother posing the question,  "Well just how much do you allow them to eat, bitch?" Okay, that's not really how the dialogue goes, but I like that the message behind all these ads is one of personal accountability.

First Mom: "My Jimmy is fat from high fructose corn syrup!"

Second Mom: "Yeah! I wonder where he gets all that food filled with chemicals? We should hire a goddamn detective."

Beautiful. Rarely in advertising history have I seen something so honest. "It's fine in moderation" like chemotherapy!

Stop feeding your kids gushers for lunch and maybe they won't be so porktastic. I love it!

It didn't even bother me that these ads were paid for by "corn refiners" not the "corn producers" who's kids would love to be able to get fat like the rest of us if their parent's farm wasn't failing.

Then I began seeing print ads in one of my favorite monthlies, Everyday Food:

http://www.sweetsurprise.com/sites/default/files/Thirds_Revised.pdf

Another hilarious one! A little angry on the surface, but still great nonetheless. The next one worried me a little:

http://www.sweetsurprise.com/sites/default/files/Dry%20Cleaner.pdf

Okay Corn Refiners Association, I work with my hands. My friends work with their hands. Just because whoever thought of this ad campaign spends all day sitting on their ass working on "synergy", "concepts" and "buyability" doesn't mean those of us who work in the concrete realm are stupid. I may wait on you in a restaurant, arrange your flowers, bag your groceries or "press your shirts", but that doesn't mean I can't spot a fatty eating a Twinkie. It just so happens Twinkies are FILLED with your product, right?

The next ad made my blood boil, convincing me that high fructose corn syrup is the devil:

http://www.sweetsurprise.com/sites/default/files/Hairdresser.pdf

"Silly bitch! You can't trust a woman, especially a poor one! Go use your health care and talk to your doctor for $75/10 fucking minutes and find out what you should feed your kids, because you didn't know before."

Do not even get me started on the fact that a man is getting his shirts cleaned, but a woman is getting her hair done.Or the subtle fact that men are worried about getting fat, but woman need to, say it with me now: help. the. children.

I could take the condescension because I think we all really need to look at our eating habits and make a change. But do you know why we use high fructose corn syrup? Because it come cheap. Do you know who buys cheap food loaded with it? Poor mothers. This is just another excuse to feel better about ourselves at the expense of everyone else.