Once, I was driving home my cousin after Christmas with the extended family. For those of you not aware, Christmas With The Extended Family really means Heavy Binge Drinking.
So, after a night of heavy binge drinking, all in the name of family and Jesus, we all decide to leave.
My cousin sits in the backseat, and away we go. Halfway through the trip, he puts one of his presents on his lap. He looks down at this shirt box, carefully takes off the top, and proceeds to vomit into it. And no, he did not remove the gift first, which made me laugh my ass off.
We stop at his house, and he gets out of the car, and throws up in the street. He then totters into his house and proceeds to sleep it off.
I look in the backseat, and I do not see any vomit. But the whole car smells of vomit. So, in the middle of December in Chicago, we roll down the windows on the car and proceed to air it out. And get hypothermia.
Fast forward to the summer. Friends and I decide to all get together and go to the movies. So we all pile into the car, and the car STILL smells of vomit, no matter what I do. I am psychotic about people wearing seatbelts, so everyone puts one on. Then I hear a shrill scream from the backseat. Apparently, my cousin had thrown up on the seatbelt, and when he got out of the car, the seatbelt retracted back into the seat. The vomit dried on it.
We had never thought to look there. But needless to say we scrubbed that seatbelt until it was almost threadbare.
So, the moral of this story is this: when "drinking for Jesus" and someone throws up in your backseat, make sure to pull out the seatbelt and make sure it's spotless. And then make a mental note to never give your cousin a ride anywhere ever again.
eeeeeeewwwwwww.
ReplyDeleteThe last time I participated in "brewfest" I yakked all over seatbelt and wondered why it didn't smell...
Yeah. It was totally gross. Just...totally gross.
ReplyDeleteMinor nitpick: I believe the Wayne's World quote you're looking for involves spewing, not hurling.
ReplyDelete(Why do I know this? BECAUSE I AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST LOSER. \o/)
Oh...oh my gosh. You're right!
ReplyDelete(hangs head)
I have been shamed in my geekery and loserness. Feel free to tar and feather me now.
Leeann did that in Denise's car the first day they met. back seat, window, door, seatbelt, the whole show.
ReplyDeletei had it professionally cleaned twice and it was still never the same.
Dude, LeeAnn puked out the small window in the back of the pickup truck once. I was downright AMAZED. I was like "You got it all out the window. I am not even mad - how did you DO THAT?"
ReplyDeleteThis poor LeeAnn needs to cut herself off earlier!
ReplyDeletewell i don't have to worry about this cuz i never wear my seatbelt. nor do i enforce the nazi seatbelt regime when others ride with me. nor do i have any counsins.
ReplyDeletei guess i'm set
ESPECIALLY when I am giving her a ride home.
ReplyDeletewhen my son was about 6 I took him and a friend on a road trip. they insisted on stopping at McDonald's and about half an hour later I heard that familiar cry "Mum, *** is being sick!"
ReplyDeleteScreeched to a halt though the sound of retching told me I was too late. but I hadn't counted on ***'s good manners. "So sorry nursemyra - but I didn't spill any on your nice car"
He handed me a McDonald's Super Sized drink cup exactly level to the top with warm vomit.
The moral to this story is always supersize up when travelling with children
WOW. That was just lucky!!!! Incredibly gross, but lucky all the same!
ReplyDelete