Texty-La-Roo

I figured out how to send text messages from my email to all my friends, which is pretty awesome, especially since I have to pay for every text message I receive and send with my cell phone (yes, my plan is from the dark ages, thank you for noticing.)

The other plus side of this (other than the FREE side) is that I now have 4 billion text messages in my inbox. Ok, not really 4 billion, but you get the idea. Apparently, I was the only person who actually worked all day instead of texting their friends. Without further ado, here's some texts I have received in the past week or so. Names have been changed to protect the slackers and perverts I call friends:

• Wait. My mom and dad had Urtha Kitt over for dinner? When?


• What what in the butt?


• Are you angry with me?! If you are you know that means feud! *puts on feuding overalls and fills burlap sack with chickens* OH THIS FEUD IS ON!


• What? Oh well, just add it to the list of crap he hates about me [we were talking about her 2 year old]


• MARY AGNES STOP IT


• I nailed that interview like the west coast nails Paris Hilton.


• Well, say a little prayer for me. And you have done plenty to torture the dead. And you know it.


• When do you find out so we can go ape crazy on the thrift stores?


• Those gals need a swift kick in their junk.


• I busted out the rosary the other day because it felt like a ghost slapped me awake.


• Holy shit! Way to go! Slam that vag!! [Accidentally sent to me.]


• MMMMMM BITCH I SEEN YOU! KARMA SEENT YOU BITCH!


• We will create you a fake name, Like Gusty Vaginatastic.


• I'm stuffing envelopes for work and I wish to God I had proofread these things for them.


• So I pork my husband in the cemetary? A gal has to spice things up sometimes.


• I will not forget, it will be like 9/11.


• I saw that. Dude Tony Blair is the shit.


• In high school, she had more pubes in her teeth than I had on my snatch. True story.


• I hate trashy short wedding dresses. They reek of STDs.


• I will single handedly RUN THAT SHIT. Even if it's into the ground. EVEN IF IT'S INTO THE GROUND, GINA, INTO THE GROUND!

I need a job, this is getting too amusing for me.