My Top Ten Guilty Pleasures

This is a list of a my top ten guilty pleasures. AKA the ten things I am going to buy/do when I get a job again. I am numbering them for the sake of organization, not because I like one more than another.

10. Cheese. Oh sweet lady cheese. I swear, the chocolate gene in my brain was replaced by a Dairy Fat Gene.  If someone, say the French (because you know they would) carved a man-shape into the block of cheese, I would leave Eric for it. I am not kidding. I would come back to Eric in about 20 minutes, because that is how long it would take for me to cannibalize it.

9. Lox. I am so seriously allergic to salmon. I have a bad stomach reaction to it, but do I care? Nope. Every single time I am offered smoked salmon or Lox I jump at the chance to eat it.  The only saving grace to this one is it's only like what? 5 calories for the whole damn salmon? COME TO MAMA.

8. New socks. Oh man do I love new socks.  In my address book, underneath people's addresses is a small notation that says "socks" which means their house is a house where a visitor is required to take off their shoes when they enter. I usually save a couple of pairs and hide them from Eric for just such and occasion. And bowling. Whenever I refer to my address book, I imagine Martha Stewart doing the exact same thing.

7. Flip Flops. You think with this love affair I have going on with socks, I would never wear flip flops. If it is warmer than 50 degrees out, I am wearing flip flops. I love love love them. Something about being able to see my toes whenever I darn well please makes me happy.

6. Elephants. When I write my memiors, I will title it "Socks, Elephants, and Cheese: This Fat Girl's Story" because if I keep eating cheese, let's face it, I will be fat. I have a serious thing for elephants. Last Christmas, Eric and I went to New Orleans, and somewhere in New Orleans there is a wooden toy shop. I bought a small elephant there. Eric kept asking me did I want a souveier, and I kept taking the small elephant out of my pocket and telling him no, I already have a pocket elephant, and really, what else could a girl want?! I also kept making elephant noises in church when we went to midnight mass at St. Louis Cathedral. Because, you know, that's what Jesus would have done.

5. Make-up. Oh man, do I love make-up. There were days at work where I wouldn't even WEAR any, but dang, if I do not own a TON of it. If you compiled all my beauty products into one place, you could fill up one of those half sized Rubbermaid bins. Yeah. I know.

4. Bacon wrapped water chestnuts. I own a George Forman grill for one reason and one reason alone: Bacon and Water Chestnuts. I know, I know, bacon and ANYTHING is good, but man, this is the best! You just wrap the water chestnuts with bacon, secure with a toothpick, and grill them on up. This can also be an hor dourve. But, if you're like me, you will just eat the whole dang plate of them and then pick up some cookies on the way to the party.

3. Dress Shirts. I love button down dress shirts. My sister to can attest to this. Once, we went to a second-hand store, and they had aisle upon aisle of color coded dress shirts for women. I almost peed myself.  And, at a quarter a piece, I pretty much bought myself a new wardrobe for under $20.

2. Pickled Jalapenos. I could eat a jar of these in one sitting. I am not even kidding. I fricken love spicey food, and these fit the bill for me.

1. All the creatures of the sea. Mussels? I will eat them. Crab Legs? I will eat them. Lobsters? I will eat them. Fish? I will eat them. Clams? I will eat them. Frog legs? I will eat them. There is very little that can be found in the sea or really, your run-of-the-mill aquarium that I will not eat.  How kosher is it? Not at all? THEN PUT IT ON MY PLATE WITH SOME LEMON BUTTER.

Ok folks, that's it. Say a little prayer for me, I am up for a pretty awesome-sauce job that will allow me to buy all of the things listed above!