Dad's Graduation Road Trip

My father graduated from college a couple of years ago. But, because he is a member of my family, he graduated college on the other end of the earth. Ok, not really, it was in Washington D.C. But to my little sister Julie, who does not drive and doesn't fly, it was at the end of the earth. My mother came up with a solution - I would drive Julie to Ohio in her car, where we would meet up with my brother, and he would drive the rest of the way to Washington D.C.

This would mark the first solo road trip with just Julie and Enna in the car. I picked her up, and off on the road we went. Now, I am not a very good driver when it comes to inclement conditions. Eric often jokes that I need to live in Southern California, because every time it rains or snows, I freak out behind the wheel. And since I live in Chicago, it rains or snows roughly 300 days a year. When we left, it was perfectly clear.

Julie and I hit the road. I have 5 paper maps in the car, and directions printed out from Mapquest, Google Maps, and Yahoo Maps. Julie is navigator, seeing as she does not drive, but also, she doesn't read maps, which was something I had not considered before starting out on this cross country journey.

Midway through Indiana, I stop at a rest stop. While in the rest stop, I discover the awesomest most greatest food item ever imagined by man: A Jello Shaped and Flavored Pickle. Julie swears it was just a rotten pickle. Either way, it was TASTY.



Julie originally thought that I had just bought a pickle, until I wiggled it at her, and the top half broke off and rolled under the seat, a pleasant discovery for my mother at a later date. (It was probably hairy the second it hit the floor too, adding to the surprise.)

About halfway through the state of Indiana, it started to rain. And then it really started to rain. And then it started to hail. All the while, my knuckles are getting whiter and whiter, and Julie is getting more and more apologetic.  Then I see it on the horizon: A tornado. I am driving towards a tornado.

I freak out. Like, really freak out. Like I am screaming in a high pitched whine that was probably only audible to dogs in the area. Because we are in Indiana, the land is completely flat, and there is only one road, no overpasses to hide under, nothing. There is nothing but flat land around the car, and I am freaking out.

Right about this time, Julie notices that the giant, twister shaped mass of grey on the horizon is coming out of a smoke stack.

Julie: "Enna! It's just pollution! It's coming from a smoke stack! Pollution!"

Me: "Are you sure? ARE YOU SURE IT'S JUST POLLUTION! JULIE ARE THESE TWISTER LIKE CONDITIONS? ARE THEY?!"

Julie:  "Nope, just pollution. Sweet, sweet Midwestern pollution!"

Me: "OH THANK GOD. Dude that was so scary I thought..Ewww...it's a pork rendering plant."

Julie: "Oh...oh man that's nasty. I actually would prefer a twister right about now."

Me: "Me too."

It was the best roadtrip that Julie and I ever took on our own. We were very proud of ourselves that we handled the almost twister situation admirably. And when I say admirably, I mean we freaked out and may or may not have had to pull over to the side of the road to get a change of pants.

This story has been brought to you by Enna, who cannot wait for Julie to be able to drive so she can force her to drive to the middle of Wisconsin in February.