Texty-La-Roo

Below is a selection of text messages between my sister and myself over the course of several days, they are out of context and not in order:

• Let's pee in baggies and throw it at them like we are hippies and they are cops at the 68 Democratic National Convention!


• It used to be called peanut butter, but then the baby got into it and now it is call WEENUTBUTTER! It's the cutest mess in town!


• I found my earring on my bed, I think Grandma's ghost saved it. I am not even kidding!


• I am eating a salad with crushed Doritos in it! What an age we live in!


• Then he accused me of letting my friends put out cigarettes on the grill grates! Why would I do that?! I LOVE THE GRILL!


• Dad said she lost like 75 pounds. I think I am obligated to secretly hate her now...


• I am looking for cheepo wedding dresses right now. $40? I WANTS.


• Let's go to the secondhand store and buy a wedding dress for $5 and then destroy it. I am into destroying things now.


• I am so down with pee balloons.


• I am filled with the hate of 1000 suns! Or gas. It could be gas.


• Dude, smell this. Does this smell infected?


• Your man certainly does have some kissy eyes!


• Dude, I am seriously scared of wells. And zombies too. Zombies and wells. They are both because of Baby Jessica.


• What am I up to right now? Just friending all your friends on Facebook. You?


• I just got a shipment of 4000 expiered condoms. Want to make a condom snowman with me?


• It's because secondhand smoke kills! Luckily for us, so does Chuck Norris.


• It has to be true! I read it in an NRA Manual!