Night Terrors

I try not to post about my dreams too much, because most of them would make Stephen King shutter, plus the vast majority of them are pretty normal, and don't make for good postings on the internet. Some of them are just so freaky, it would take me a page-long post to explain what was even going on in them, and even then it wouldn't be clear.

So, without further ado, here's a random selection of dreams I have had in the past week or so (leaving out the truly horrific ones):

Dream #1:

I was commissioned by Martin Luther himself to translate a Bible from Swedish to English. I got through most of Genesis, and I am not ashamed to say I WINGED MOST OF IT. Martin Luther came in every once in awhile to check on my work, and he was like "Eh, it'll do." and I was like "Yes, this casual attitude is something I can get behind!" Then I woke up feeling all guilty about leading the Anglo-Saxons down a wrong path with passages such as "and then Adam did some stuff. It involved animals or something" and "then Eve came out and was like 'what's up Adam? How's it hanging? Oh, nevermind, I can see.'" I MEAN REALLY.

Dream #2:

I was in charge of shoveling babies into a fire for fuel to keep the house warm. Why babies? Who knows, maybe we were out of puppies or something equally as cute.

Dream #3:

The zombies were coming, and I was in charge of getting my sister's kid out of the house, and she lived in one of those California houses where there's doors in every room that lead to the outside FOR NO REASON AT ALL. And all the doors were WIDE OPEN. I failed, by the way. That kid got eaten in a very horrific and slow manner. The zombie ones are the really bad ones.

Dream #4:

I get a new job. The only caveat is that I must eat whatever my bosses bring me. They bring me a possum. They are completely disgusted by the fact that I dig right in.

This dream, coincidentally enough, kind of mirrors my real life. I once was rushing a sorority, and the final test was to eat a fish. So, without any hesitation, I proceed to do just that. I got it in my mouth before they were like "NO! Stop! It was just a test to try and see if you would do it! Or if you would protest." I figured I would eat sushi every day, and it was relatively small, so why not, and down the hatch it went. I didn't even taste it. I immediately got in, but it kind of ruined the night for the other pledges, as I ate their only fish, and therefore they could not be put to the test, thus forcing the sisters to think of some other horrific test to give them.

Come to think of it, that's probably where that dream came from. Huh.

Dream #5:

Someone is beating me severely, concentrating on my legs and feet. I woke up to find that I no longer had any covers and my arthritis was in full force.

All of these dreams (with the grand exception of the last one) I end up wandering around the house before I wake up. This is the main reason why we have multiple locks on the balcony doors. Complicated locks too.

And finally, a dream from back in the day:

I need to get into a door, as there are gang members after me. I have already been shot once in the shoulder, and I am banging away at this wood door. I figure it's better to break something getting in and be ALIVE than let the gang members catch up with me. During the course of the dream, I cause myself to have a compound fracture in my right leg. When I wake up, four of my toes and two fingers are broken - I had been punching the wall, and not JUST the wall, the stud in the wall. I had to walk around the house a little while to make sure I didn't break my arm, hand, ankle, leg, or foot because everything hurt so badly I couldn't pinpoint where the pain was coming from exactly. My shoulder hurt (where I thought I had been shot) because apparently I had slammed myself into the wall with such force I had a bruise the size of a grapefruit on it, and it looked like I had been shot with a rubber bullet. Luckily, I was involved in soccer at the time, so no one took a second look at the bruising, otherwise DCFS would have been at our house in a FLASH.

Now, the grand (partial) tally of things I have destroyed while sleeping/sleepwalking:

-Every single hair tie in the house cut to smithereens. Apparently it was imparative I destroy them.

-2 Lamps

-One cereal bowl

-a full set of champaign flutes

-one VCR (as I recall, it was "watching me")

-Binoculars

-one stick of deodorant (smeared it all over the toilet seat.)

Here's some things I have woken up to find:

-Potatoes on the kitchen floor spelling out the world HALP (not 'help' HALP.)

-A jar filled with cotton balls with a note OBVIOUSLY written with my right hand (I'm a lefty) saying "Important"

-toilet paper strewn all over the house

-The cans in my cabinets alphabitized

-Wearing every pair of underwear I own (technically I was 4 or so, and my mother discovered this one)

-So many cuts and scrapes I have lost count

-My hands duct taped together

-various food items partially eaten (lots of corn. lots of canned beans. You know, stuff I wouldn't just normally open and say to myself "Why not?! What a treat!")

ALL OF THIS WITHOUT AMBIEN. So, what do YOU dream about?