Goodbye Bratz (And I Mean That)

In case you haven't heard, Mattel sued Bratz, and now legally own it. You can read about the whole mess here.

I could write about the whole story here, but I think the Associated Press pretty well has it covered.

I however, am writing about how I am not sad to see them go.

For years, I have skimmed Mommy-blogs and read about how evil Bratz dolls are, how they over-sexualized little girls. And yet, they grew in popularity.

When I was growing up, it was all about how Barbie was evil. How Barbie taught little girls to be pretty, stupid, and spend their husband's money.

If that's what Barbie taught us, then the Bratz dolls can only represent the ideal that an old issue of Maxim found in a truckstop bathroom wants women to look like.

Except I think Maxim is even to classy for these dolls.

And I get it, Barbie is still "evil" but she's the lesser of two evils. And I am well aware that the lesser of two evils is still evil. But shit, even Barbie got to be a Vet or an Astronaut every once in awhile.

So, without further ado, allow me to show you the caliber of doll that is going off the market, and you can see if you agree with me.

First up, your metrosexual date:

[caption id="attachment_497" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Look at the size of his head."][/caption]

Ok, he comes with a comb, chain wallet, and a funky disco shirt. Hot damn, what a catch! Also - what a large head. Take a word of advice from my mother, ladies, look at the man's head. Now picture yourself pushing something of that size out your va-jay-jay. Not so attractive anymore, is he?

[caption id="attachment_498" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Being a slut isn't a "fashion""][/caption]

This is the fashion designer. Though I do appreciate a doll of color (they didn't even have a Brunette Barbie when I was growing up.) But what exactly are you supposed to do? Put one of those stencils on her and draw her clothes on? Those pants already look painted on, why do you need the stencils?

[caption id="attachment_499" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Flower Girl Cloe"][/caption]

Ahhh the womanly arts. In jeans and heels, no less. Ironically, the flower girls of the 60s would revile this thing.

[caption id="attachment_500" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Holy shit a solid gold dancer!"][/caption]

All these dolls come with some kind of makeup or a hairbrush or some other girlie crap. For little girls. Screw being ok with yourself, you need to look better.

[caption id="attachment_501" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Pop Singer Yazmin"][/caption]

OH MY. No one get this for my future child. It comes with a plug in microphone. So far, if we were little girls with these dolls, we would have learned that you need good nails, wear heels ALL THE TIME, sing well, and be adept at the womanly arts. Oh, and date androgynous boys with large heads.

All around, I am happy to see this brand go. I am hoping Mattel doesn't just repackage them, and continue selling them under their brand.

Someone once described these dolls as "pole dancers on their way to work." I would have started out with that statement, but that pretty much summed up my entire blog post, only with less snark. Hence, I will end with it.