Bear the OSHA Mascot

At work, we have a handyman, and for all purposes, I will call him Bear. Bear is a bit of a character. Once, I walked in on him working. He was perched on two different sized aluminum ladders, one leg on each, and was working on live wires above his head.

The thing about Bear is, he's deaf. Not the permanent kind of deaf, but the kind where he is really hard of hearing and the government classifies him as deaf.

So, when I see him doing this ladder stunt, I run over and try to get his attention without startling him. I finally get his attention, and by this time, I am yelling hysterically. He looks down, and cheerily says, "Oh hi there. What can I do for you?" I scream "BEAR! OSHA!" He stops for a second, looks at the ladders, looks at me, and says, "What about it?"

Bear came in yesterday, and he didn't have his hearing aid in. When this happens, it's comical. He says some of the most ridiculous things, and I cannot quite tell if he says these things purposely, or if he thinks he is saying them quiet enough that I cannot hear him. Either way, he came up with some gems yesterday.

When he walked in the door, he quipped, "I'm farting eggrolls." I put my hand up to my ear and said, "What did you say Bear?" He yells, "I'M CRAPPING EGGROLLS."

Then, a little later, my boss left, and left his office door open. Bear walked into his office, sighed, and said "Daddy doesn't love me."

Bear once mildly electrocuted himself. The guy who used to work in the warehouse came running up to me freaked out. He's like, "I think Bear electrocuted himself. He yelled and the lights flickered."

I freak out and run to the back, and find Bear, who is frazzled, slightly electrocuted, but otherwise ok. I tell him we legally have to take him to the doctor, and he refuses. I tell him he is walking, talking, breathing disproof of Darwin's theories.

"No doctor," he says, "I'm fine. Besides, that would take too long. And me being electrocuted started a small fire back there, and we should handle that first."

Fricken Bear, he will never be the OSHA Mascot.