You Guys Are Like The Poorest People Ever!

So, I hate my bank. NO REALLY. Everyone says that, but here's why I really mean it:

1. They once cut off my debit card because they thought I was twelve. It was like everyone in the bank stopped and collectively said "Wait a minute, she just bought some booze. She's only twelve! Cut that card off." It was like having a strict parent of one of your friends watching your every purchase.

2. They denied us a mortgage. We wanted to refinance, so we go to our CREDIT UNION (yeah, it's not even a real bank. It's like a hippy bank!) and they said no. And later, as we were leaving, I overheard the lady say to her co-workers "those people were like the poorest people ever!" See, we live in a very wealthy area. So wealthy, in fact, I was listening to people from my neighborhood church talk about losing a half million dollars in this economy. EXSQUEEZE ME? So being lower middle class apparently equals - BEING THE POOREST PEOPLE EVAR BECKI!

3. They took $325 in fees in one day. Like, woopsie! We forgot to charge you ATM fees, sorry about that, let's just take them all for the year, shall we. WE SHALL NOT. I called up, and screamed at this poor little receptionist. And then and then and then all the fees were reversed. And today, I am going to take that money from those fees and do you know what I am going to do???? I AM GOING TO OPEN A NEW BANK ACCOUNT IN A NEW BANK. Excuse me while I take my poor-people money elsewhere.

That being said, here's a series of emails between a man and his bank in which he has the balls I only WISH I had:

(I would credit the site, but the site seems to be gone!)

From: Jane Gilles Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David, Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David, Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear David, You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you? Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, Yes please. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Attached <spider.gif> From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Who's spider is that? Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Who's spider is that? Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Automated Out of Office Response Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, travelling through time and will be returning last week. Regards, David. From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Who's spider is that? Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that? Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that? I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it. Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Who's spider is that? Attached <spider2.gif>