Brutal Honesty

A man walks onto my train, and promptly sits down next to me, even though there are still open seats. This should have been my first clue that this was going to be weird ride. The train starts to move, and I pop my headphones in, and start to zone out.

He then leans over to me, and says, "It could be worse. We could all die."

I pull my headphones out, and look at him.

Right now, in my head, I am thinking of my mother telling me not to be a hero in times of crisis or emergency. And then I think of inner Enna, whom we shall just call Ada and is nothing but pure walking/talking id, and Ada is telling me that if he shows a bomb, to quickly twist his head until you hear a snap, just like that military commando at the Y taught you.  And Ada is winning this little internal war, I am not going to lie (sorry mom!)

Instead of snapping his neck, I say, "What?!"

He replies, "The stock market. I mean, it could be worse, we could all die."

NOW I am thinking WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND STARTS A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT? Especially on a train that runs a automated message every ten minutes stating "If you see something, say something. You can help us keep you safe by being our eyes and ears while riding with us."

I can SEE the train conductor from where I am sitting, and I start staring at him. I do that stare that says SOMETHING IS WRONG AND COME OVER HERE. I don't have enough cause to start screaming for the undercover federal marshal to come help me. After all, he is just socially awkward, and I think we can all agree, so am I. So I just nod, and pop my headphones back in, and continue spacing out.

About five minutes pass, and he says something else. I don't quite hear it, but I all I caught was it was about his boss. I pop me headphones out, nod, and wait for him to continue. He doesn't. So I pop my headphones back in, assuming he is again done talking.

Then Julie calls, and I talk to her for about a minute. The whole time I am talking to her, he is nodding at me, as though he can hear her talking to me. I have a Moto Razr, which means I can barely hear what she is saying.

I hang up, pop my headphones back in, and continue spacing.

He then leans in again, and starts talking about his boss again. I don't even take out my headphones this time, hoping he will get the hint.

See, I am incredibly socially awkward. I have NO IDEA what to say to this guy. I would mostly just mumble and nod and look at my hands a lot. Or I talk to excess about Eric, which, and I am quite sure of this, is VERY annoying.

So, I nod. And continue spacing.

He then leans in, and says "Hey."

So I pop my headphones out again, and look at him like "Yes?"

He says, "Am I interrupting you?"

"Yes." I reply. Not mean, not snide, not anything but a straight yes. Because he was. And very often, I am brutally honest, usually at horrifically inappropriate times.

He is SHOCKED. He actually recoiled in horror.

Then he talks to the little old ladies across the aisle about the Cubs. This is about when I start to feel bad about saying yes, but seriously? The train ride is my space-out-and-think time. It's Enna's special private time.

When the first stop came, he got up to go. The old ladies say to Creepy Guy "Don't forget your girlfriend." and he replies, "She's not my girlfriend." He said it kind of sad and angry, at the same time. He then gets off the train, and goes.

I guess the only saving grace for this socially awkward embarrassing moment in time is the fact that I wasn't reading a Playboy this time.

Either way, I am a complete brutally honest asshole.

P.S. I am reserving my comments and thoughts on the debate until Monday. Mostly because otherwise I would just scream the C-word a bunch.