No, Wait, It's Urine.

[caption id="attachment_239" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Clark & Lake, in Chicago"][/caption]

I used to work for Channel One News. You know, the news channel that is broad casted in schools. It was my first internship, and I am quit honestly amazed I even got the internship, considering the harrowing ordeal I went through to even get to the interview.

I went right after school with my friend Melissa. Melissa, hands DOWN, is the prissiest girl I have EVER MET. I mean that in a good way. She is a self-proclaimed "prissy Melissy." We get on the L Train, and Melissa starts to wipe down her seat. I look at her like she is crazy, and promptly sit down in my own seat.

The CTA has seat that are covered in a felt-like material that hides moisture remarkably well.



I notice that the seat is cold, and that is all. So Melissa and I prepare our speeches about how we are somehow qualified for this position (even though we are not) and we remove and reapply our makeup.

Halfway through the ride, a riot breaks out among kids from Curie, the local horrifyingly rough public high school, and the train has to be stopped. The riot police rush the train, and make us all move.

We stand up to move, and this is when I realize my butt is wet. Melissa has this look on her face like someone just spit in her hair. MY ENTIRE ASS IS WET. And it is clearly obvious that it is urine. So, I am stuck waiting with someone else's urine on me while the riot police break up a fight. There are no bathrooms on the CTA L Trains, or the buses, which, actually, would explain why someone pissed on the seat.

When the train finally starts moving and we get off our stop, we race to the job interview. I run into the bathroom to see the damage, and it is bad. I decide that if I was going to be wet, I was going to be CLEAN and wet. So, I take off my skirt, and put it in the sink, and thoroughly wash it. I realize the back of my underwear is wet as well. I make the hard decision to just take off my underwear and throw them away. I do this out in the middle of the bathroom, partially because I am trying to dry my skirt with the hand dryer, partially because I am in such a hurry.  I did not realize, however, that there was a woman in the stall behind me.

And, of course, she comes out and just narrowly misses seeing my bare ass. She doesn't even wash her hands. She just leaves. Which, at the time, makes me think she has seen EVERYTHING.

I go and sit in the waiting room, next to Melissa, who promptly moves one seat over and mouths to me HOW DO YOU SIT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S URINE AND NOT REALIZE IT? We are all taken in as a group...and...

The lady from the bathroom is the interviewer.

I get the job. And find out on my first day that she quit that following Friday, which made me unbelievably happy. I still have NO IDEA how I managed to score that sweet internship.

BUT YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE THAT I WIPE DOWN AND TEST EVERY SEAT NOW.

(And for those of you are like my mother, I did go get a Hep test, and it came back clean.)