Idle Hands

Very often I find myself bored and with nothing to read on the train. See, the Metra in Chicago has decided that people need to be on the train five minutes before the train leaves. After those five minutes, the doors close. Which is a little silly. The train isn't leaving for another four minutes, and you can't get on. Which means I cannot buy newspapers or magazines beforehand. One of my favorite things to do is pick up the latest copy of Cosmo and say aloud "Dear Penthouse..." and watch everyone around me get really uncomfortable and shuffle away. But I can do that no longer! Stupid Metra.

I digress. Today, I had nothing to read, and was bored, so I took out my phone and called my sister, who is often stuck bored on a train somewhere. We usually chat until whichever one of us gets home first.

Today though, she didn't answer. I left her a voicemail that I have gossip for her, and ten minutes later, she still did not call me back.

So I decided to send her a text that I knew she would respond to. I sent the following:

"Hey remember that hooker that we killed in 2002 and buried in a shallow grave in the Dan Ryan Woods? Dude, I just saw her lookalike! Crazy."

Then I followed it up with this text:

"Whoopsie! That text was for Eric! Ignore it! Smoochies!"

She still hasn't called me back, which means she is probably in class at school. Which sucks. BECAUSE NOW I AM STILL SITTING ON THIS GOSSIP and I think we all know by now this is killing me.

On the plus side, now she has a couple of fun text messages waiting for her when she gets out of class!

This isn't the first time I have sent her strange text messages. I sent her one really early in the morning that said "Watch out for wells! They are all around you! NO ONE WOULD HEAR YOU SCREAM. Toodles!" Which she said was a not-so-fun way to wake up at 4 a.m.

And my favorite of all time, "I pooped a little in your room. If you find it, give it back to me, I will give you a dollar!"

On second thought, I think I know why she didn't call me back.