Taking Some Time Out for Me

Normally, I refrain from writing directly about my life, save the little tidbits that are actually humorous. I usually assume that no one wants to hear about how I got the loss numbers into the system in record time. I don't even want to hear about that. But, I figured I would give you a recap of my life:

I am no longer snacking at work. That constitutes a new diet, right?

I bought some products from E.L.F. that are pretty good, especially considering it was only a dollar each, and I got free shipping. Everything is pretty good, but I would avoid their lip plumping gloss if I were you, unless you like mint flavor mixed with kids cough syrup flavor. The oil absorbing sheets are pretty sweet though, and their nail polish is awesome. I currently have black toes (in a good, hipster kind of way.)

An excerpt from a conversation at work today:

Me: Dude, I don't know why every keeps calling Cindy McCain fug.

Ericka: *blinks*

Me: I mean, she looks good for 80! I just don't get it!

Ericka: She's 54.

Me: *silent shock*

Me: On second though, it kind of looks like a veliceraptor got it on with the Crypt Keeper and she was the by-product.

Ericka: *rolls eyes*

(Side note: When I put veliceraptor into wordpress, the spelling suggestion came up with triceratops. Wordpress was like, "Hey Enna, why not try a whole different dinosaur! Mix it up a bit!" Also, this is in no way a political comment, I still like McCain. I just think his wife looks freaky.)

In other news, Anderson Cooper, aka the Silver Fox, is saying what is on everyone's minds, and is now my personal hero. He is not not apologizing afterwards either, he is sticking to his guns.

Apparently I am now a Jets fan, as Brett Farve got traded.

I figured out what I am getting everyone in my office for Christmas and/or for my last day I work there: Fleshlights! I am sure that credit card statement will give Eric a heart attack, Eric: "Enna! Why did you buy 15 fleshlights?!" Me: "...wedding shower gifts?"

But seriously, what better way to tell someone 'Merry Xmas', or alternately, 'Go fuck yourself, I quit' - than your very own fleshlight! (Special thanks to the Random Button on Wikipedia! You haven't failed me once!)

I am no longer participating in my Dirty Hippy Experiment. I washed my hair with shampoo the other day. And MERCY is it shiny. Someone, my mother is still crying tears of joy. I learned the following from my Dirty Hippy Experiment:

1. Baking Soda cleans EVERYTHING. No, really. It does.


2. If your drain gets clogged, and say, you're not spending money on anything so you refuse to go out an buy Drain-O, pour some baking soda down the drain and then pour a cup of vinegar and CAP IT UP QUICK. That stuff POWERS through your drains. Then follow it up with some hot water.


3. No one notices when I dye my hair versus when I do not. The baking soda and vinegar rinses took a lot of hair dye out of my hair, so much so that I am getting pretty "Silver Fox" myself around my temples. No one has noticed yet. I am going to keep waiting and resist the urge to dye, even though I can spend money on frivolous shit again.


4. I am now addicted to tea. Eventually, I will start to drink it warm, like it is meant to be drunk. Until then, ice for me!


5. I am now appreciating eating out more. Tomorrow, I eat out for lunch for the first time in a long time. I am going to savor that food!


6. I lack a natural smell. If I didn't wear deodorant, you could never smell a scent on me. It was odd.

Tomorrow is sandwich day. Are you all into 30 Rock as much as I am? Either way, there is a running joke in my office that I am Liz Lemon, especially when it comes to my sandwiches. In fact, you should watch that specific 30 Rock episode. (Note to my mother: You can go to Hulu and watch whatever you want, I swear it will not infect your computer. I listen to something from this site easily 4 times a day, and I have NO anti-virus on my computer at work, and never had any negative effects. To the rest of you: I have no idea why they will not spring for anti-virus software. NO IDEA.)

Anyway, I am getting off topic here. Where we get our sandwiches is a place called Bari Foods in Chicago. I get a fresh mozzarella and prosciutto sandwich with oil and spices on a foccacia bread with pickled mild jalapeños on the side. I also get three times the amount of prosciutto on it, and occasionally, when I am feeling adventurous, artichoke hearts. It's a $14 sandwich. We had sandwich day last week. I missed it, but it wasn't my fault I missed it. My boss bought everyone in my office sandwiches. Everyone but me. He never even mentioned it to me, or asked me. That hurt, but then I remembered I hate him, and that I introduced everyone to Bari Foods, and that I have two legs. And then I wasn't sad anymore. I AM MAKING FRIDAY MY SANDWICH DAY.

And, if, for some reason, the guys from Bari Foods on Grand Avenue in Chicago happen to Google their name, Hi! My name is Enna, but I place orders under the name Amy because the old bent over Italian lady at the front counter never understood what I was saying when I would call in an order when I told her my name. Once she told me she was from Naples, not Enna, which made me laugh hysterically and she called me an asshole in Italian and hung up. I usually fax in my order now, in bold, black marker. I bring you donuts occasionally. Can I have the above-mentioned sandwich free next time I come in? Pretty please? Or you could throw in a free tiramisu or cannoli from D'Amato's next door. I am not picky.

Anyone, enough about sandwiches and me being all Liz Lemony and talking about myself. I am going to go make some home made Mac'n'Cheese.