Prostitutes Add a Little Je Ne Sais Quoi to the Neighborhood

I work in a not-so-nice part of Chicago. There are projects all around where I work, and I no longer even answer the door if I am the only person there.

Ericka and I have noticed that there is a prostitute that works our block. We think she might actually work one block over, and just gets dropped off on our block. We have never seen her get in a car, only get out of one. And when I say one, I mean roughly 23 cars in the last 4 days.

Anyway, I am getting off track here. The other day, I have to go check the trucks for something I sent out on the truck that never made it to it's destination. I know what you're thinking - "This is the most thrilling blog post I have ever read. God I hope this goes on for 6 more pages!"

So I am walking to our secure lot (see above neighborhood description for reasons for the secure lot) and I see our friendly neighborhood prostitute. She is getting out of another anonymous rusty sedan, and I think to myself, "Oh friendly neighborhood prostitute, you add such character to this neighborhood! I'll politely pretend I didn't see you and you'll politely pretend like you didn't see me."

I go check the trucks, and it's not there, for the record. And I come back out, and Friendly Neighborhood Prostitute is gargling scope. And I think to myself, "Oh good for you! Look at you lowering your chances for AIDS! Good for you! You add such..." AND THAT IS AS FAR AS I GOT BEFORE SHE DID SOMETHING THAT IS POSSIBLE THE MOST VILE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

(Stop reading now if you are eating, or don't want to hear about lady-problems-related-grossness)

She reaches up her skirt, pulls out a very used tampon, and flips it over her shoulder into the street.

I. AM. SHOCKED. My mouth is open. My eyes are VERY WIDE. There is no amount of polite in me to pretend like I didn't see what I just saw. I believe I even made an "Auhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" noise because she looked at me like "What bitch?"

And then, and I am not even ashamed to say this, I ran back to my office. RAN. I get inside, and Jason Buckaroo asked "Hey, what's wrong. Did you see a drive-by or something?"

Me: "I think I just got AIDS of the eyes. I can never unlearn what I just saw." GRASPS HEAD "My eyes sockets have been violated!"

Tiny Wonder: "I once saw that online. Man, that shit is freaky."

*SILENCE IN ENTIRE OFFICE*

Tiny Wonder: "I mean..."

Ericka (cutting off Tiny Wonder): "NO MAN. THERE IS NO COMING BACK FROM WHAT YOU JUST SAID."

I often wonder what it is like to work in a normal company...