A List of Useless Crap Courtesy of the Internet

I like to troll the internet for things I can buy for one dollar, it's a sick little fascination of mine. Now, there's a whole lot of crap you can buy for a dollar, especially if you're into downloads (itunes, amazon, etc), but occasionally I have to up the amount I am willing to spend in order to get some truly useless crap. So, without further ado, a list of useless crap:

First up is Men's Balls Stress Reliever -



I am mostly disturbed that it is recommended for ages 5+. I mean, yes, it is safe for children 5 and up, but damn, would you put this in your kids Christmas stocking?

Second is penis squirt guns -



(Elegantly displayed, no?) I like that the main complain of this product in the reviews is that the "balls" are not big enough, and you can "only get two good squirts."

Third, Poop on a Novelty Flying Disk -



Why? Just why? I mean, like your friend isn't going to notice that you switched out your Frisbee with ...this? (On second thought, every person I have ever known who used a Frisbee really liked Phish, if you get what I am saying *wink wink puff puff* so they may not notice after all.)

Fourth, is what everyone in my company is getting for Xmas from me (instead of a Fleshlight):



It's not fun unless it glows under a blacklight people.

Fifth, we have almost-lawn-dart stress relivers -



What, like a little missile tittie doesn't de-stress YOU?

Sixth, we have a more conventional stress reliever -



For those of you who don't like Lawn-Dart-Shaped-Titties, we have Round Tittie Stress Reliever.

Seventh, we have something for you health nuts -



It's a Dole Lighter! It's a reminder to drink a glass of OJ with your morning Pall Mall.

Eighth we have something that confused me for a full ten minutes -



I thought that there was water artfully arching and flowing out of this man's ass. In actuality, it's a pen holder. And HE GROANS to boot. WHO COULD ASK FOR MORE?

And finally, the shittiest of all gifts -



SEA MONKIES! (The spelling suggestion for Monkies from Wordpress is Honkies. Awesome.) And I will be honest, every time I see someone with sea monkies in a jar I have the UNSPEAKABLE urge to just run up and chug down the whole jar. No kidding.

All these FABULOUS gifts can be bought for mere dollars at DealsExtreme. And they have free shipping so you have no reason NOT to get a Lawn-Dart-Stress-Relieving-Tittie.