Buttwipe

Jason Buckaroo came into work today, and he was pretty darned sweaty. The only reason I noticed this is because he tried to wipe himself off on me.

Now, it's no secret that I take public transportation everywhere, and if I can't get there on public trans, then I walk there. So, I get pretty sweaty in the Chicago summers. Because of this, I carry around wet wipes with me every where I go. They are always in my purse.

CVS recently had a sale on wipes, and I stocked up. They were 79 cents for one of those resealable packs, and I bought 6 of them! I do not care about the brand, only that they are portable, and that they are cheap.

So, I hand Jason Buckaroo a pack of wet wipes to cool himself down, and he looks at me with a puzzled look.

"What now, princess?!" I say.

"What the heck is this?" He replies, all freaked out.

"It's a wet nap, for you to cool off with. You wipe yourself down with it." I reply, but he still looks at me like I handed him a human head.

He stares at me with further disbelief, and says "It's a feminine wash wipe. WHO HANDS THESE OUT TO PEOPLE?! It says right on the package, 'Perfect for delicate parts, such as your bottom.' YOU HANDED ME A BUTTWIPE. ARE YOU CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE?"

I am a little shocked, mostly because I hand them out on the train all the time and that certainly explains why people on the train look at me like I am a freak. But I pull myself together, manager to not pee myself, and say, "Look at it this way, your face will be so fresh...you could go horseback riding!"

He was not amused. But he was quite fresh, he smelled almost like...a summer's eve.