Day Off

I took the day off of work. It was BLISS. I highly recommend it. I did all the dishes, and washed every piece of underwear I own, which is probably TMI but I do not care because I am so chipper from being so well rested!

This Saturday I have family reunion, which will be oh so fun.  I know I sound sarcastic, but I am not. I am well-rested and chipper. And looking forward to a reunion.

That being said, I am going to go downstairs and see if my E.L.F.'s cosmetics have shipped yet. Then I am going to sit down in the bath with some wedding magazines for about an hour. And then you're going to be jealous of me. :)



After that, I am going to make a new header for the month of August.

Goodnight!

Linky-Linky-Loo Part II

This is a pretty humorous comic, and I think we all know I know what pretty humorous comics look like.

This is an American Truck Driver who is living in Japan and keeps a Photo Blog.

Cuil isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I keep diverting back to google. Mostly because I cannot spell, and they have no spelling suggestion like google does.  There are times when I am unsure on how to spell a word, and Wordpress doesn't have a suggestion for it, so I google it, and get the correct spelling.  Also, it's boolean search is a little weird, but I must say, weird in a good way.

Can't get enough meat? Now you can wear it on your head.

My mom is an expert cake maker. I hope she takes notes on these cakes, so she can start on designing one for her boss's next birthday.

This cracks me up so much I am thinking of printing it out, binding it, and giving it to a friend as a gag shower gift.

Ok folks, that is all for now. We are *gasp* going OUT for dinner. I KNOW. I am excited for me too.

Cop-Out?

I would write about something substantial, but today is the second day in a row above 90, and being on public transportation is this weather makes me more than a little pissy. Plus I woke up in the middle of the night in serious pain, so i just don't have it in me. Allow me a cop-out and enjoy the comic.



Apparently, I need a cop-out for this comic, as well.

Paging Jacob Yoder...Jacob Yoder...

I pass through Union Station twice every day on my commute to and from work. The thing about Union Station is that there are an awful lot of Amish people there at all hours of the day. I know what you're thinking, "Amish people? In downtown Chicago? At the busiest train station...of all time?" Yes. TONS OF THEM. Apparently, it is allowed for Amish to take public transportation when absolutely needed. Say, when visiting another Amish settlement in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Utah, where ever the other Amish are.

When I came into Union Station, I overheard on the P.A. System "Jacob Yoder, please come to the Great Hall to collect your women. Jacob Yoder, please come to the Great Hall to collect your women." So I hurried, because I just had to see what on earth would cause a P.A. announcement like that. And I come around the corner, into the great hall, and see a gaggle of teenage girls in absolute SHOCK.

The police have a hobo on the ground and are trying desperately to handcuff him. He is fighting them as hard as he can and screaming profanity at the cops and/or girls.  The girls are SHOCKED. Their mouthes are open in perfect o's and they are outright pointing at the man. Which is downright hysterical because they are all dressed like those Ingalls girls, stupid bonnets and all.

I am not sure what the hobo did, as I am constantly running late for my train as-is, plus I think if a woman with an Ipod blasting wearing PANTS stopped and asked the girls what the heck happened, their heads might explode.  Either way, when I got into the boarding area, I passed an old Amish man who was walking as briskly as I have ever seen an Amish person walk, and he looked pissed off and exasperated. Something tells me that was Jacob Yoder...

Then I get on the train, and find out that the hobo offered the girls that if they paid him $5 each, he would expose himself to them. WHAT A DEAL! He also apparently did this right in front of a female police officer, who also thought it was a great deal, so much so that she wanted it allllllll for herself.

Look at Those Gams!

I know I am being a dirty little hippie, and all anti-capitalist and not buying anything, but I needed nail polish remover. My toes were looking pretty u-g-l-y you ain't got not alibi ugly. So I compromised my values and went to the dollar store.

AND OH IT WAS GLORIOUS.

There are three aisles for wedding stuff. You can get 8 COUNT EM 8 favor boxes for a dollar. HELLO that is better than in the Uline catalog (though, Uline remains my favorite catalog of all time. It is one of the few that I get all heart-palpitation-y when it arrives.)

Apparently I am not into vanilla body gel as much as I should be, or as much as everyone else in that store was. I do not care if there is now 80% more glitter, 1% is too much.

Anyway I digress. I was wandering, looking for a nail polish removed that did not have glitter in it, when I came upon the lingerie and fishnet stocking aisle. My initial reaction was "Ewwwwww" because well, it's a DOLLAR STORE. But then, things got really creepy. I stumbled upon 0-3 Months fishnet stockings. It wasn't like it was in a holloween package with like a baby witch on it. It was completely serious. Like, hey, you got a baby? Stick it in these hooker stockings. Shhh I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret, just you and me, the pedophile Dollar Store.

Update on the Hair: Looking good. It is wiping the hair dye out of my hair though. I have aged 10 years in half a month.

Update on the Updating: I am not longer going to be updating over the weekend. I am going to try to do this thing called relaxing. I hear about it all the time from other people, other people who do not grind their teeth while they sleep and have dreams of never ending sweater folding or that suddenly all your files have been mixed up and you have two hours until the auditor gets there. So yeah, more chillaxin, less blogging on the weekends.

Linky-Linky-Loo

Ok, since I am becoming a dirty, filthy hippy, I have been researching ways to get free stuff. Or nearly free stuff.  Next, I will look up plans on how to pocket compost, recycle my own waste, and how to build a commune.  But until then, here's some free/nearly free websites.

(Note: Create a FAKE gmail account for this. If you sign up to these, you get a LOT of spam. I am only plugging gmail because they never delete your account. Ever. Even when you ask them to, because you misspelled your own last name. Not that I know anything about that.)

Ok, the best place to start is Daily Free Stuff. They tend to post a lot of samples.

Next up is WalMart, who tends to do promotions and give away coupons for free stuff. (If you click on the link, it takes you to the free samples and free trials page.)

Psssssst Cosco does it too. Just type in sample in their search box. Right now, it's Ponds wipes. (This blog post will be outdated by Sunday! Ha!)

Next up is Hippo Post. You upload a picture of your choosing, you write what you want on the back of it, and you send it to whomever you want - all from your computer. They just put a small ad on the bottom of the postcard. They pay the postage though, which is pretty sweet.

Fat Wallet has some great forums, especially for free stuff, and coupons.

Eyes, Lips, Face is a makeup brand where almost everything is one dollar. One American Dollar too. That's on 50p Euro! It's only 6.95 for S&H too. It makes me want to go on a crazy shopping spree when I am done being a dirty hippie!

My Most Overused Phrase This Week...

"Look at those tig ole bitties!"

It's been a bad one people. I am allergic to eggs, and yet, I managed to eat a tuna and egg salad sandwich without knowing it was packed with eggs. My right arm still has hives on it. I will not go into details, but let's put it this way, when you are looking at a stomach pump like it might be PLEASANT compared to what you are feeling, you know you're in trouble.

Going to bed.

Should I categorize this under a 'diet' category, as I technically didn't eat anything after all today?

Ms. X

I am watching the Simpsons right now, and it's the episode where Homer is Mister X. I am only writing about this because Ms. X seems like it would be pornographic, and therefore would be Web Traffic GOLD. Seriously, the most hits I get are on the blog entries regarding Feet and the PedEgg, and the Assworms entry. And usually both involve people looking for pictures, which is just odd, especially on the assworms front.

In other news - here's another comic!

Christmas Came Early

I need a desk. My anti capitalist self needs a desk. I am trolling craigslist for one. Does anyone have any other ideas? Thanks!!

Sunday is Made for Napping

Behold, I bring you a comic:



(In the event the comic doesn't show.)

This comic was originally made for a quasi-Jewish friend of mine. However, when I sent it via email to a bunch of people, all I got back was replies of "SICK" and "Dude, that's messed up."

Little did I know the rest of the world saw it as not "You know you want to eat pork baby." And more of a "You know you want to have sex with this pig." or "Hey, I couldn't help noticing you noticing me...oink."

So there you have it, my unintentional bestiality comic.

What the heck is PedEgg Cheese????

To the people who Google PedEgg cheese and come upon my blog: What the heck is PedEgg cheese? And why are you searching for it?

In other news: here is an update on my Dirty Man Experiment. Or, my Dirty Hippy Experiment, as my sister calls it.

When you first pour the Baking Soda Water into your hair, it feels...well, WEIRD. It feels like you are coating your hair with something rubbery. You then rinse that out, and it feels like you just washed your hair. I know what you're thinking, "REALLY?" Yeah.

So then you do the diluted vinegar rinse, and rinse that out. And by golly, it's like you washed your hair. I know I sound crazy, but for real, it's like you washed your hair.  I am only on day three, but so far so good.

My co-workers have vowed to tell me if I smell bad or my hair looks nasty, so not to worry. In fact, I have no doubt if I turn into a nasty hippy, someone in the office will make a song up about it. For it is their way.

My mother went out and bought me soap and shampoo and razors. I think deep down she thought I was not going to be washing or shaving.  No no no mother, save that experiment for NEXT month. One stinky man experiment at a time.

Cheezy Orzo and Turkey Tenderloin

...And now you know what I am having for dinner!

Anyway, here's a comic to sooth your savage beasts until I can update tomorrow. About my hair. (I am writing about my hair. Someone smack me.)



And I am!

Stumbling My Way Through a New Fad

I am in no way, shape, or form a "green" person. I gave up my car awhile ago, but it's only because I have a Metra within walking distance.

I stumbled onto the Make Your Own Deodorant post via Not Martha (see my blogroll to the right for her.) And from there, I stumbled onto a post about Going Shampoo Free. I have decided to try it.

Go ahead and click on the link, I will wait. It's important to read it all through so you know what is going on.

Ok, all done? Good. Now, you're probably wondering what on God's Green Earth made me decide to try this.

Well, the government took my stimulus check.

You read that right. They had no right to take it, and I have no idea what to do to get it back. It's the US Government, and therefore, I probably will never get it back.

One day, a decade from now, my mom will call me because she spotted my name on one of those Found Money sites. Maybe then I will get it back. Until then...

Now, you're probably wondering what the Government taking my money has to do with with me not shampooing.

When I found out I would not be getting new bookcases and new cotton sheets (digress: isn't it sad that was what I was spending my money on? So sad.) I went a little crazy. I even considered writing to Kanye West, saying: Dear Kanye, he doesn't care about ANYONE. Love, Enna. (Look at me! I can make a pop culture joke 5 years too late!)

Like I said, I went a little crazy. I also went a little anti-capitalist. For the next thirty days, I am going to try to not buy anything.

No. Really.

Now, obviously, I cannot just suddenly decide to not buy anything and therefore not buy food, pay my mortgage (though I doubt anyone at IndyMac would notice, seeing as they are a bit busy ruining America...) or not pay my car note. More like I am not going to eat out, buy new shoes, or buy anything I can make myself.

I have enough cereal stocked up that a family of five could eat for one month. I am not kidding. Both Eric and I throw away cereal like it is going out of style. All because I 1) Buy too much, 2) It gets old, we assume it is no good, and finally 3) we are wasteful gluttons and then we throw it away and buy more sugary cereal.

Now, fair warning, I may fail at this. But for certain, one thing I am ABSOLUTELY doing? I am not washing my hair or eating out. I cannot guarantee after a hard, hot day on the metra and L Tran I am not going to come home and say "OH YEAH NOW I GET TO MAKE MY OWN SOAP OUT OF FAT FROM THE FRYERS AT WORK." I am not brainwashed. I am not an Osmond.

Also, at the urging of Pantry, I have decided to make my comics into something that I can sell to someone. Instead of making T-Shirts, I will be making Bags that people can reuse at the grocery store. Since, apparently, I have a LOT of vegetable/fruit comics. (Has anyone else noticed that?)

I will be editing them to say things like "Eat me!" and "Udder Squeezins'" (for my one milk comic). They will be going up on Etsy hopefully by the end of next month.

I will be borrowing my friend Vicky's sewing machine (Cool with you Vicky?) and making the bags myself, thus cutting out the middle man and I can PASS THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU! I will be putting the images up here as soon as they are done. I am hoping to keep the price around $5 each, and have flat rate shipping of $2. That way they are at least affordable. Maybe $8 each total?

So, right now, I am waiting for my hair to dry, so I can give you all the recap of my No Shampoo Experiment.

That is all for now folks, excuse me while I go pick some cotton. Perhaps in 2 months I will have my new sheets after all.

Wordle

I am taking a cue from This Blog and posting a wordle in my blog. It only takes the front page of your blog, not the whole blog. I know this because there is no way in hell that Heff is that big, and Porn is that small. I'm just sayin'.

Such a Nice Night

Eric and I went bowling out in Romeoville today with a couple of friends. For those of you not in the know, Romeoville has a few gas stations, a few hotel chains, and a whole lotta nothing. And strangely, it took FOREVER to find the place.

I just thought I would share with you all some facts that are to little to have their own blog posts. As well as a picture of the sunset taken from my balcony.



Jason Buckaroo's porn name is Dick Dastardly, the Fuckaroo.

Ericka's nickname, whether she goes into porn or not, is Ericka - The Sexual Chocolate.

My nickname is still She-Bear. Should I feel left out I do not have a work-inappropriate-overtly-sexual name?

I need new sheets. Some nice cotton ones. Just as soon as that stimulus check comes...

Brett Farve is COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT. I know this is old news by now. BUT FOR SERIOUS? OH HECK YES. And as much as I would like him in Chicago, the Vikings should get him. And screw the Packers for filing charges against the Vikings for trying to recruit Farve. DO YOU HEAR ME PACKERS? YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF.

FYI: Brett Farve is the only man I would cheat on Eric with. I have a serious NFL-sized crush on the man. It's ok though, Eric knows this. And he said that if I ever cheat on him with Farve, he gets Jessica Alba. And that's ok since we are living in a fantasy world filled with unicorns and magic and screwing attractive people who, in real life, would have nothing to do with us.

I joined a new church. They sent me lemonade in the mail. I joined the GREATEST CHURCH EVER. Jesus AND free lemonade? SOMEONE SIGN ME UP RIGHT NOW!

Eric did something VERY nice for me today, but I cannot talk about it yet (sorry for all the secrecy!) because it hasn't come to fruition yet. But it is the greatest gift a gal could ask for!

It is now 8:40 p.m. CST, the sun has finally gone down, and I am going to sleep now. Hope you all had an exciting day too!

Sexy Times Ahead

Eric and I have a friend who is in a band, and one day, I will link that band here, but after some stuff changes first. Heff is down right hysterical when drinking, and has more self-esteem than anyone I have ever met without being cocky.

Eric and I went over to Heff's house. Heff is living in an apartment in Elmhurst, and recently, he was at a party and made a 'Heff Sandwich' with 'two hotties.' He then asked them if they were looking for a place to live, and wouldn't you know it, they needed somewhere to live!

So Heff invites them to live with him. When asked about his new roommates, Heff leans back in his chair, takes a drag off his cigarette, closes his eyes, puts his hands behind his head, and says, "Enna, nothing but sexy times ahead. SEXY TIMES."

I guess it could be worse for Heff:

Too Much

Alright folks, I am going to bed early. I have been feeling like crap. Enjoy the filthy comic in my absence.



I never said the comic would make any SENSE now did I?

Just a Comic, Please.

Today, it's just a comic day. Mostly because I have too much to do today, and my house is VERY MESSY. So messy I would not be surprised to find a dead pot belly pig in here in advanced stages of decomposition.

(Somewhere, my sister is crying because I mentioned the death of a pot bellied pig. She has a SERIOUS hankering for those pigs. I am not kidding. But then again, she is the sister of myself, and I cry when the power at the local supermarket goes out because I cannot handle the thought of all that bacon spoiling.)

Without further ado, a comic. (Warning: It contains the F WORD! *GASPS*)

My Etsy and Me!

Well, there comes a time in every bloggers life that he or she must try to sell their wares to the general public. I am joining this bandwagon. No, you will not be seeing banner ads for 'foot fetishes' and 'PedEggs' and 'how to get rid of assworms.' (By the way, these are the top three things that people search for an get my site. The PedEgg one isn't really though, apparently 47 different people want to see 'pictures of PedEgg Cheese.')

There is nothing ON my Etsy site as of yet, hence no linky-linky love. I am not yet comfortable with the name of it, and I am thinking of changing my name. Something more fun. Like QUEEN ENNA OF THE PAINTING FUNK or something similar. I have decided that all paintings will sell for $35 to $40, mostly because artists tend to not realize their paintings are ...not to the tastes of the general public. Especially not at $150. Plus shipping.

Speaking of shipping: I figured out to send something two days, it is roughly $8. And, unlike the rest of the internet, I will be charging $8 for shipping. Unless the boxes are INCREDIBLY unreasonably priced, but really, shouldn't that be coming out of MY overhead, not the buyers? I guess that is really one of my biggest pet peeves, people who charge $10 to ship something that I know costs $2.

Ok folks, I will be ending this post with a comic. Enjoy.

For My Fellow Dorks

I stole this off of my friend Ann's Myspace. Both Jason Buckaroo and I think it's the GREATEST. PICTURE. EVER.

Travelin' Man

I am going down to the South Side tonight to visit my mother, so instead of writing a post about how Ericka or I heard something disgusting from Jason that turned out to be him asking for a stapler (I swear he says lewd things under his breath and then when we yell "WHAT?!" at him he says something that rhymes with the lewd thing that is completely innocent.) I will instead of writing I will be posting a comic.



It really does.

ALSO (And this is diet related): My new favorite work snack - Take snow peas, split them, and then use them like chips to scoop guacamole. Mmmmm tasty!

Lawnchair Memiors

Today at work we had no internet, and for a time, no computer access. This was particularly bad because I had to enter orders with our distribution center online.

At the office today was just myself, Ericka, and Jason Buckaroo. Ericka, who you have met before, was on the phone with one of our partners. Jason Buckaroo and I were talking, and I was trying to convince him to let us take a company outing to his house to use his computer.

I am going to stop the story here and explain some things. Jason Buckaroo is my co-worker, and acts like he could have been my little brother in another life. I still think that one day he is going to come into the office, spray me in the face with silly string, and put me in a full nelson. He got the name Buckaroo because I once told him he was 'My Little Buckaroo.' I was trying to get him to do something for me, something probably boring and audit related. And I remember him looking at me and saying "What the hell is a Buckaroo?!" He also is a web designer and programmer.

Anyway, back to the story.

Ericka is talking on the phone in the background with one of our partners who doesn't speak English.

Me: Seriously Jason, can we go to your house. I actually HAVE work to do.

Jason: No. For two reasons, one, I live in the studio, and two, you cannot use my computer that I use for work, my VERY IMPORTANT WORK.

Me: But for real, I have a LOT of work to do, plus I want to see where the Programming Magic happens!

Jason: It happens in a leather chair. And still no, you cannot touch the magic computer.

Ericka: *puts call on hold* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING THAT IS AN INAPPROPRIATE WORK TOPIC ESPECIALLY SINCE I AM ON THE PHONE.

Jason and I both look puzzled.

And now, without further ado, what Ericka thought Jason and I said to each other:

Me: Jason, let's go to your house

Jason: No

Me: I wanna see where the Masturbation Magic happens.

Jason: It happens in a lawn chair. Touch the Magic.

When she recounted this, we almost died laughing.

Right now, we are watching the latest Romero film. Excuse me while I pee myself.

A Whirlwind on a Tredmill

This past week was all a blur. Tonight I plan on going to bed at 8 pm.  Today was the last day of my non-diet-diet. Tomorrow, I start eating right and working out on a semi-regular basis.

The doll I won? IT CAME. AND SHE IS AWESOME. She looks remarkably like Carrie, my other doll.

It occurred to me last night I might be turning into one of those women who collects stuffed-child-clown-dolls, or clippings of Elvis sightings. So I think I will stop at two dolls. Two dolls is enough for me. (Somewhere in the future, I will post something worded exactly like this about children. Just wait.)

I created a Wedsite. I will not be posting it here, as I think at the beginning, it will only be my family viewing it. Plus it only has one post. Plus I use my real name in it. But it is very awesome.  You'll just have to take my word for it!

This new diet is more Weight Watchers, less Detox Diet. Only I am not joining Weight Watchers, as I am cheap. Oh, you didn't know of my cheapness? Allow me to illuminate you on the cheapness that is Enna: I very often handwash items the day before because I do not wish to use the pay washers. I learned how to make my own dishwasher soap. My next project involves making drapes. (More on that later.) AND NOW - I am going to start cutting coupons.

I had this idea on the train, and I am not sure why the idea of cutting coupons never before occurred to me. I mean, there are entire WEBSITES dedicated to finding you the best coupons for your area.  Speaking of sites, know any good ones?

The drapes thing: My family has a box of drapes on my mother's side. The box was created in/around 1952. Every time someone gets new drapes, the old ones go in the box. And, as you can imagine, there is now a box filled with drapes the color of every type of puke known to man. Think about the drapes in your great aunt's house. WE PROBABLY HAVE SIMILAR ONES IN THE BOX. And no, before you say what you're thinking, none of them have come back into style.

I am exaggerating, but really, only a little.

I am not going to mention to my mother's side that I need drapes. I am going to make them. And then promptly hide the horizontal blinds I currently have in the box and hope no one notices.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I am going to post a comic that made my friend Pam gasp and move away from the computer. And if you knew Pam, you would know that means it is pretty darned horrifying. Therefore I am posting it under a link, instead of just posting it.  Perhaps someday I will make a HORRIFY YOUR MOTHER calendar. Someday *dreams a little*

Here it is.

Regarding That Last Post

I just went back and read that last post. Holy cats, I was NOT FULLY AWAKE when I wrote that. In fact, I thought I dreamed that post. Or at least part of it. I have broken the 11th Commandment of Blogging: Thou Shall Not Sleepwalk and Blog.

For real. I am surprised anyone (especially Pantry!) actually understood what I was trying to say. When I re-read it, the post came off (to me) as a hate-filled semi-rant. Granted, I get a LOT of email from idiots saying Barack is a sleeper cell, and usually I just reply to everyone who forwarded it with the Snopes article, and sign it "YOURS IN CHRIST!" because that really seems to piss people off for some reason.

Yeah, so, sorry about breaking the 11th Blogging Commandment. No more cocktails before bed!

Awake

I am awake, and waiting for church. I had a really bad night of dreams, so eventually, at 4 a.m. I decided wake up and watch some TV. instead of making Eric wake up every half an hour and hug me.

In other news: Some one at the Government screwed up! I AM GETTING A STIMULUS CHECK! (I know, I know, there's a joke in there somewhere!) Normally, they are TAKING MY MONEY LIKE GANGBUSTERS. So, this is a nice change. I cannot wait for this check to come. I am going to rub it all over my body, and then go spend it at Ikea, a Swedish furniture store.

I was originally going to donate it Barack, but now he's not taking contributions from the American Public. And I decided that I need to be in PR, because DAMN I would be good at it. I mean, I already spin numbers, and I could spin that so very well. I should write an open letter to Barack. I mean, I am from Illinois, so I could carry this state for him, we are very fond of voting for our homegrown heroes.

Wait? What? Oh right, Barack will win Illinois anyhow. For one thing, we are a STRONG blue state, as well as Barack's home town (And, a quick recap: Barack is a citizen of the US, he is not a radical supporter of Islam and a sleeper cell, and is from Illinois)

Either way, this turned into QUITE the political post!

Ok folks, time for church!



YOU BETTER NOT MR McCAIN! BACK AWAY SLOWLY!

You're My Boy Blue!

Did you have a great Fourth of July readers? I did. I really did.

See, I got engaged! WOOOOT!

I kind of feel bad about putting this on the internets for all the world to see, before his mother finds out, but I know his mother will be FALL OUT OF HER CHAIR LIKE SHE'S HAD 14 SCOTCHES excited.

Now, I need to go make a Hot Dish for a BBQ I am going to tonight. I am making scalloped corn (read: corn that is in a large dish with an AWFUL lot of cheese. Read: I can make anything tasty and unhealthy.)

And, of course, this means the diet is back ON.

After, of course, I eat my cheese covered corn.

Update: Woopsie! Forgot to add a picture of the ring!

Ka-BOOM

Dear Winfield, Carol Stream, Lombard, Naperville, Warrenville, Lisle, Glen Ellyn, Glendale Heights, West Chicago, and Weaton:

I can see all of you from my balcony. Seeing as I live in the tallest building in Dupage (and probably Will and possibly DeKalb) County, I can see your fireworks shows. Judging from what you did last night, I have faith that when I get home tonight, there will truly be some memorable shows happening.

Those of you out there in readership land probably want to know how I know what townships I am looking at, and it is really quite simple:

In Illinois, every single township has a water tower with their name on it. And I have high-powered hunting binoculars. Also, these shows tend to take place around the water towers. Like every township had the same civic planning guy who was like "I like making parks around water towers. They're purty."

Seriously, that is the ONLY explanation I can come up with.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a safe, happy, wonderful Fourth!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Foot Fetish

My favorite holiday of ALL TIME is tomorrow, the Fourth of July. To get my feet in pristine condition, I gave myself a pedicure. In the process of giving myself a pedicure, I used my fabulous new product - the PedEgg.

See, awhile back, Eric bought himself a Samurai Shark. When you check out for one of those As Seen On TV dealies, they make you register your email address.

THEN THEY SEND YOU 450+ EMAILS A DAY.

They eventually wore me down, and I broke down and bought a PedEgg.

This is in NO WAY an endorsement of the PedEgg, they are not paying me to review their product, and I wish they would NEVER SHOW THEIR COMMERCIAL AGAIN. I hate their infomercial almost as much as I hate the HeadOn commercial. YES I GET IT I WILL APPLY IT DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.

So, after giving myself a proper "egging," I emptied the "shavings" onto my coffee table.

IT WAS LIKE I WAS RECREATING THE COKE SCENE FROM SCARFACE.

It. was. crazy.

So, my father and sister were waiting at the doctor's office, and I whipped out my new camera phone, took a picture, and promptly sent it to my father to show my sister. Two weeks ago, my sister found out I bought myself a PedEgg, and she screamed into the phone "DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT THE SHAVINGS THAT THING IS SICK AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT."

So of course I had to send her a picture.

And for those of you wondering, it does work. But it's like a small cheese grater for your feet. Also, Walgreens or CVS or any drugstore has them for MUCH CHEAPER. It doesn't hurt, and all-in-all it's a pretty good product. But I get 450+ MORE emails a day, so in the end, it was worth it for my being able to horrify my little sister, and not much else.

Va-ca-tion, We're Gonna Have a Ball!

Today starts the first day of my vacation. It will probably be my only vacation this year, so I will relish it. I am only 48 hours away from the GREATEST AMERICAN HOLIDAY EVER: The Fourth of July.



That is all.

Bloggity Blog Blog

This is my version of a motivational poster. Mostly because I have a serious hatred of motivational posters. We have one in my office that says something about TEAMWORK (see how well it worked? I don't even know what it says other than the large TEAMWORK on it.) and one of my former co-workers used to love to tell everyone who commented on it that he HAD TO HANG THAT ONE HIMSELF. ALL BY HIMSELF.

I am thinking of doing a redesign, and not making this ENTIRELY about my diet, especially considering the diet may end, unless I get a ring-a-ding-ding soon and have a reason to keep losing weight (helllllllo brideorexia). But really? I can count on one hand the amount of times I have written something completely diet related, and not just partially diet related.

I really like this layout though. I have read many blogs in my day, and I know the simpler the layout, the better it is, the easier to read it is, the better it is.

So stay tuned I guess.

Update: Redesign done. And Holy Hookers on Madison! I made Wordpresses' front page!